Whatever We Feed Grows

What an amazingly crazy year 2020 was! Yet, those who thought that 2020 would simply disappear, and 2021 would be very different may have been surprised on January 6 when a sitting president of the United States encouraged thousands of supporters to march on the capitol. I think of 2020 as the year of our collective shadow becoming obvious for all willing to see. It also was another year of increased polarity…duality…”othering” upon others. It’s taken a while to want to say anything about that because it was such a shock to the system that I felt silence was better for a while. Enough people were sharing their opinions as the story of January 6 in the Capitol of the United States unfolded.

Animals in nature just naturally know where to hunt for food.

Animals in nature just naturally know where to hunt for food. This Egrit is looking deeply into a tide pool and caught a little fish. I have watched this being for some time and it has a variety of hunting areas it circulates within it’s territory. When humans think of food, we often think of meal time, snacks, our favorite dishes, restaurants etc. But during these times I invite us to look more deeply. My root teacher (Thich Nhat Hanh) has taught us that food is also sense impressions, volition and consciousness.

I can recall seeing a news story where there was a photo of white enraged men with big guns inside the Michigan capitol screaming without masks into the faces of the line of police. That was over half a year before the insurrection in Washington DC. I was horrified and the first thought was why are they allowed to carry guns into this space? If those were young black men, there is no way in hell they would be allowed to carry guns in and scream at police inches from their face. As a white person that is just such an immediate awareness of a double standard that has grown deeper in recent years. And as a white person it’s important to name that double standard.

Moments of truth can be liberating if we have the courage to embrace what might be under the surface. Back to what we feed grows. If we feed our anger, our hatred, our suspicion, our sense of entitlement, those things will grow. It’s easy to point the finger outward and think how crazy and wrong a person or group may be, whether Republican or Democrat…but can we also turn inward and investigate deeper?

As a wildlife photographer, one of my most beloved passions is tracking animals energetically and creating a bond that manifests through an image. My telephoto is strong so sometimes what I think I see is not quite what I really see. For example, I was walking by the shore last week and saw what looked like a snake. Again I track energy too and I was not quite sure. I used my zoom lense to capture the image but still couldn’t tell. As I sat with this for a moment and asked myself are you sure? I concluded it was a stick. There was no motion, no movement that would match a snake. But the shape hooked my attention and my mind immediately went to “snake”. (I love snakes by the way.)

But the shape hooked my attention and my mind immediately went to “snake”.

Now, I’ll go out on a branch (hah) and say if I was with a lot of snake hating people who saw what they thought was a snake…they may want to kill it. What feeds that hate? Probably fear. What feeds the fear? The stories they have (consciously or subconsciously) in their heads about snakes. Then if we all heard a person of authority that we trust say, “that’s definitely a snake…we need to do something Right Now!” Well, you see my point. This little old stick is just getting catapulted by this emotional tidal wave of collective energy based on a wrong perception.

Back to January 6th and what started out as Donald J. Trump, then the president of the United States, fueling the crowd to go “fight like hell” the certification process of the election because the election was stolen. By this time, millions of people had been eating disinformation for months from multiple sources. By this time, Donald Trump had not only pressured election officials in the state of Georgia, but also his own vice president to shift the results so that he would win the election he lost. He also put those who were simply doing their job, at risk. This day was not one day. This day was the culmination of feeding on conspiracy theories, and “news’ that would help a misperception be held as true and true enough to break the law for. After all, the President of the United States is inviting them to do it, so they have a right to “fight like hell.”

What we feed grows, who we hang out with supports a certain energy within us. The videos we watch, the news we watch, the conversations we have, the grievances we ruminate upon. The energy of that group of people and the messages they were fed before going to the Capitol had some people act in ways they never would have as individuals on their own, alone. Community energy is a food too. The volition (or intention) of that group, and the Consciousness of that group fed individuals on that day, and the days/months prior.

What is your hunting ground? Where do you get your “Truth?” One morning when I could not get on the internet to do my online yoga class, I was seriously disappointed. Then I realize…OH Shit! That means I can’t do my on line class or all this other stuff. I have a morning sitting practice and in that practice I got an image of myself tangled in wires…bound up like a mummy in wires. It showed me I had become completely dependent on the internet. Like the world out there was more important than taking care of the anger in here…the one who discriminates in here, the one who thinks they know how it is, even if it is not accurate, within me. That fear of being without the internet during a shelter in place, that fear of being without something to fill the void, be it news or classes, or even an on line yoga class. That image stayed with me. Of being wrapped up in wires. Do we have the courage to come back home and feed ourselves wholesome, simple foods…and perhaps even unplug from the collective dream for a bit? The collective dream is reflecting back drama, trauma and as Biden said recently…an un civil war. What would happen if we unplug the wiring into that and cleared the space to feed a new dream? Instead of feeding on the internet, maybe I could feed on my own innernet of intuitive knowing by being in nature. And what might first look like a snake, could become a friend.

And what might first look like a snake, could become a friend.

Watering Seeds of Joy

I knew very well there would be another Shelter in Place Order coming. With the intuition of this rising Covid wave and the lives it would take, came that knowing. But like everyone else…I hoped I was wrong. That it would not shut things down again. Our county never made it out of the highest level in California, the purple zone, but I was still able to work for the last 5 months and that is a huge blessing. Even more for emotional well being, than financial, but both. Now it will be on pause again.

Fill up your tank with Joy, storm clouds are coming through. In dark and heavy times it is even more important to open my heart wide to simple healthy pleasures that water the seeds of joy. I booked two nights in my go to reflect and go deep place a whole 20 minutes from my house. Intuiting that shelter oder coming within days, I traveled twenty minutes from my house, to a spot that is an entirely different world. I open up the door to my room and am reminded of this…

I open up the door to my room and am reminded of this…

Five little walks yesterday…three with the dog and two alone. Find your medicine and use it. Some may think of a trip like this as escape but I know it is simply selective watering. Instead of consuming news of the latest death toll, the latest grand chaotic denial in and out of the White House…I’m walking slowly feeling the earth beneath my feet on the way to the ocean. Imbibing the frothy rythym of the waves. Listening to songs, crying spontaneously as my heart opens and I feel…rather than being robotically numb.

Whatever seeds we water the most will grow. I need stability and freshness so I come to the sources that can nourish those seeds with in. Mother ocean, so constant and loving. So vast and mysterious. How did I spend so much of this year so far from her? Living so close to the ocean but not taking time to feel sand between my toes and see the setting sun.

So vast and mysterious.

Death is such a powerful teacher if we can actually acknowledge her presence. A dance of transition is a foot. And it is with humility I am listening to this ever changing music. Yes, you are working…no you can’t work…yes…well outside…no maybe not. In a while, perhaps. In a longer while, maybe. That beautiful reality of impermanence and uncertainty could actually become a dance partner if I allow it. Rather than an enemy to be vanquished and dominated so I can have my very safe and predictable life on my silver platter. How much more I cherish having a job, food, housing, friends, family…when I know they could be snatched into another adventure at any time. Death is the great awakener to life.

When I lived in Plum Village with the monastic and Lay community of Thich Nhat Hanh I heard of a nun that had received a cancer diagnoses. She was told she’d die within 6 months. Upon hearing that she was permitted to come to Plum Village where she wanted to spend her last days practicing with that community, living mindfully with what time was left her. However, she did not die in six months. Or two years. She fed the seeds of joy and practiced with a community that know how to live in simple, healthy ways. Her cancer went into remission. If you knew you just had six months to live…how would you spend your days, who would you reconcile with, what preparations would you make? Why wait?

During these Covid days…some are very sick and dying. Some are lonely. Some are over worked and at high risk. Some are losing their income…but where are you? We all have this moment to do the best we can with what we have in front of us right now. Knowing everyone is in a different situation.

As I intuited, I heard the word that our Shelter in Place for my county is being activated at 10 pm on Sunday night. But before I heard that news I got a message from my neighbor about a family up the street that had tested positive, a little boy, his mom and boyfriend that now are sick with Covid. So now all the children on the street who had been playing without masks will be wearing them. Everyone is handling this differently but the collective consequences are rising.

How can I be stable, calm and fresh for others in the coming days? By coming back to myself and taking care of my own suffering, nourishing the seeds of joy. Sometimes it’s time to let go of the wheel and trust the universe…in the grander scheme of things. I continuously give thanks for all the good and let it all the way in.

Sometimes it’s time to let go of the wheel and trust the universe…

When I return home, later today there is the Chop Wood, Carry Water actions to take of being the grown up in the house. But from a completely different vibration, a vibration of gratitude and trust. Like reactivate my unemployment, as this will be my last weekend of work for at least a month. Take care of the chores. Clear space within and without and see what beautiful seeds I want to plant in the days to come. But first there is time for one more barefoot beach walk…

I continuously give thanks for all the good and let it all the way in.

Bring Me a Higher Love

Let go and trust the flow.

Sometimes the guidance comes in dream states. It flows through when the mind is not in charge. I have songs seed a knowing within sometimes. I woke up to a song that let me know the outcome of the election on Wednesday morning last week, it felt very peaceful for a while. Four days later, after all kinds of drama and division, I woke up into another song.

BRING ME A HIGHER LOVE….BRIIIIIIIING ME A HIGHER LOVE…OHOH. What a happy song to wake up with. The songs that come in sleep state are a gift from spirit. I went to my computer and Googled bring me a higher love and found Steve Windwoood from 1986 and played the music video. That morning I danced in my livingroom and started to learn this new…old song.

“Think about it, there must be higher love

Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above…

Without it, life is wasted time

Look inside your heart, I”ll look inside mine…

I had stopped singing for a while. Singing is the quickest way to raise your vibration and Goddess knows we all could use a little of that these days. It’s time to move from the mind down into the heart and find heartsong. The mind wants to know, wants to control, wants to defend and protect, wants to be safe. The heart wants to love, to give, to sing, to celebrate and dream.

I had been gifted the song that fortold the election results. But the mind…in time, still felt like it needed to track. Track the news, the votes, the drama, just to make sure my guidance was correct. (It is.) So the ‘upgrade’ song came in, to help me redirect my attention and intention. I had forgotten to sing. So even listening to this song helped ignite joy, love, inclusiveness in me.

We need good heart medicine right now. We need to call it in…from the stars above, from the earth below, from the heart within. We can find people that inspire us, the songs that enliven us and redirect our collective attention and intention from what no longer serves us.

The courage to see what no longer serves in me, will ripple out and impact the courage to see what no longer serves in ‘we’. I had gone for a run recently while I was kind of angry. I didn’t take time to change my shoes and I injured my foot. It hurt a lot. I am not able to walk the land and connect with the animals like I normally do. But I got the message…shift how you walk thru life. Walk with humility, patience, kindness. Let go and trust the flow. Allow…trust.

So I have my assignment but it has not been an immediate click your heels (no pun intended) and I am upgraded. It’s a conscious dance of witnessing what is arising moment to moment. To see what energy there is a tendency to feed. To see what our collective media focuses upon. Then it is just to hit the replay button on “bring me a higher love!” And dance some more…gimpy one footed dance with my dog snoring on the couch.

This past week I discovered Stacey Abrams, a new Shero from Georgia and heard what she said about her work for voting rights… “It’s not about me, it’s about us.” Even when there is injustice and systemic violence happening to so many beings, human beings, animal beings, plant beings, inside of corrupt systems that fail to protect so many…what do we do with it?

I had a dream that showed me what I look like when I am angry or irritated, what others see…how I walk. Of course, it’s not pleasant to see yourself angry. It’s the masculine energy. Part of the message, for myself and this country is to shift out of a toxic mad masculine energy and allow the Divine Feminine energy to rise up from within. The divine feminine that is a Higher Love.

The masculine energy is in women and men, just like the feminine energy is in women and men. What do we feed? The masculine energy is mind based. It’s not like the masculine energy is bad and the feminine energy is good. We need both and we are made up of both. But we are out of balance. I know I am. Knowing that is a step towards re-establishing balance, flow, harmony.

I can be mad about things that are totally appropriate to be mad about. Rage is an energy. Learning to recognize, embrace and tend to anger will help not only myself but the collective field. The collective energetic field has it’s own energy and it even infuences weather patterns. WE all inter are. Whether we know it or not, whether we believe it or not.

That’s where the inner work is so so important to do.

“Higher Love” could come to me on a silver platter and if I am not willing to receive or give it, what’s the point? That’s where the inner work is so so important to do. Can I/we reprogram the B.S.? (Belief Systems) You know, the decisions we make about ourselves and each other that are the blockages. “I’m like that, he is like this, they are like…” you get it. There is a lot of labeling going on right now, inside and out. Pulling up the rug to see the dirt beneath is part of the heart-house cleaning. And what a good time to do that…individually and collectively.

I can be myself with animals. Any animal. Snake, deer, skunk, bluebird, crow, hawk, squirrel, bobcat, coyote, dolphin, butterfly, caterpillar. There is just this innate joy, connection and love for all of the creatures of this planet. I immediately feel connected, right away. I have been trained how to honor animals and trees and non humans by asking permission to enter their energy field before stepping into it. The love is there already, though. I don’t have that practice with humans…I wonder what it would be like if I did?

The love is there already, though.

Have any of you out there gotten down loads of guidance from Spirit during the Pandemic? Mine are very, very short and to the point. Like when I was changing the water in the birdbath and blessing it for all the birds and others…a daily ritual… I heard, “What would your human relationships look like if you showed that consistency and kindness?” Seed planted. It’s up to me if I water it. What if I felt the same inclusive love towards different people like I do towards different animals? What if…

Like the master Rumi said so many years ago…

Your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and find all the blockages within yourself that you have built against it.”

Look inside your heart, I”ll look inside mine…

Shadow Dance; Trump Style

but how many of us are courageous enough to Shadow Dance?

I know there is a wee bit of me in every thing “out there” I see. Sometimes that is a happy Yippee, and sometimes that is a Oh my….I’d rather not be like that! Donald Trump is the president of the United States and it seems you either love him or you hate him. If you hate him there is the pitfall of thinking it is Just Him. A more courageous twist might be to look at the Collective Shadow that this man so magnificently is mirroring back to us. It would not be out there, if it were not also in here, in our collective human consciousness in the United States and beyond.

Let’s begin with the great walls. You know…Nationalism and the threat of ‘others’ coming through our borders and killing us and taking our jobs and yaddah, yaddah, yaddah. Well, a lot of people voted for that in 2016. A lot of people voted for safety and security that would come from Trump building those walls. That some how, staying separate from others will keep Americans safe and secure. I could ask Mr. Trump…how is that working out…the wall thing on the borders? That would be an easy, snippy question I could ask.

Or, I could show fortitude and go a little deeper to ask, where am I building those walls? Those walls I convince myself that will keep me safe, those walls that feel necessary and smart? Who are the ‘others’ in my heart? It’s easy for politicians to disrespect each others’ action or inaction right now and for the public to be amazed at what is happening in the U.S., but how many of us are courageous enough to Shadow Dance?

I have built those walls. A lot of people have. I have the walls to block out various folks. ‘Why can’t you get what time it is on the planet?’ Or, “you don’t care about what I care about, I already know that.” Or…’you’re Republican’ or ‘you’re democrat.’ Or, ‘you’re an idiot because you don’t believe in science or climate change or that masks reduce Covid Risk’. Or, or, or, or.

Trump didn’t keep his discrimination limited to Mexicans in 2016 that were ‘rapists and criminals’…no he had enough to go around to all kinds of different groups. Muslims, Middle easterners…people from California (like me). There is a particular narrative he spun to make the racism or the discrimination palatable. Like, that person is dangerous to you. They are trying to take away your guns. That person is dangerous to me, they look or think different than me.

Well, I can top Trump by running my own internal narrative about Humanoids being dangerous to all species in the plant and animal worlds. That Haughty energy of superiority that only a Stable Genius like me could have. (I had to steal the stable genius line from Trump because I am not actually genius enough to come up with that one on my own.) But that energy…the energy of superiority or of arrogance is definitely something that runs through me. It is part of my shadow. The “I know better and why don’t you get it?”

“You’re Guilty…for being an idiot….

I may not Tweet out my irritation or anger but I am sure I emanate it energetically when it is triggered. I have thought of going to a costume store and buying a wig…a curly white judge wig so when I am judging other people or myself, I can really get into it. “You’re Guilty…for being an idiot and letting climate change decimate so many species without giving a crap!” Granted I could use all caps, but that’s not my style.

Then there is the whole, I’m right and you are so very wrong addiction. I am guessing, it’s not just me that likes to be right. I’m guessing it actually may be a humanoid thing. Not even, just a Trump thing. We may just think it in our heads…not even notice the thought. Or, we may get so invested in being right that we have no problem alienating or obliterating all kinds of different people over it.

Donald Trump has not yet conceded that he lost the election. He declared himself the victor Tuesday night, and is now sharing the narrative about voter fraud. He may even believe there was voter fraud. Like George Bush believed there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq…which there were not. I digress.

Let’s talk about tantrums.

Let’s get back to the mirror, the shadow dance. Having fun yet? Let’s talk about tantrums. I am taking my marbles and getting the heck out of here. That is one of my favorite auto reactions. It is such an auto reaction that I don’t even realize I am doing it at times. I had to kind of laugh when a news anchor was berating Trump for quipping about leaving the country if he loses the election. Like what a bad person he would be to leave the country just because he didn’t win. But……thousands and thousands had threatened to leave the country if Trump did win. “If Trump wins, I’m moving to Canada…” The mirror is right there in front of us if we have the courage to see it. Do we?

Let’s say we actually do have the courage to see it. Well, that is where the real fun comes in. Admit the truth. I can throw energetic tantrums, I can make people wrong and call them idiots (in that voice in my head), I can be so convinced that I am right that I don’t let in any other person’s view. I can discriminate against others. But the good news is… I am a very stable genius. Humor is always good when you are looking at Donald Trump’s massive Shadow and bringing your own shadow out to sit side by side with it. In all fairness it is our collective shadow, it doesn’t belong to one man.

What is the point of being willing to acknowledge our own shadow states? If we can acknowledge and see our own shadow, embrace it and have compassion for those unsavory parts of ourselves; it is easier to do that with others. Although I can’t make anyone else change their behavior…if I am really committed; I may be able to change my own over time. As the dispersion and distraction of this messy presidential transition continues, we can constantly invite in the light…even to the darkest places within ourselves. It starts here.

If I could make one wish…

If I could make one wish for these crazy and uncertain times, it would be for us…whatever Political party or no party, whatever race or ethnicity or economic level…be willing to go within our own hearts and do the work that is waiting for us there. Not to give up. Not to get distracted by all the noise. And to trust that it makes a difference. It makes a difference to get real and to see my own shadow. It makes a difference to be able to name it, embrace it and cultivate humility. Yes, I’m a democrat…I did the happy dance with Biden’s win. But I have a friend who doesn’t wear a mask…owns a restaurant and is Republican. And he is just about spreading the love. Even if he was not happy about the election results, he was still just about spreading the love. We don’t have to agree about everything in these times of great transition, but with all of our differences we are all human. It’s a time to look from love…even when looking in the mirror and seeing the shadow.

Ode to a Squirrel

Little Dude had a skinny and short tail and he was young. Still growing up.

I never was one much to pay attention to squirrels. Like every other creature, I had an affinity, a curiousity…but not a love. Not until Little Dude came a long. Little Dude is a love…and I am grateful to have crossed his path. I am grieving that he is no longer my morning buddy who I get to look out the window and bond with.

Squirrels became important to me because my apartment complex…Preston Park, in Marina California decided to kill them all. Or as many of them as they could. Along with moles, voles, and gophers. It was at perhaps the most upsetting time possible to be purposefully killing the ground animals…while the fires were going and so many wild animals were also dying.

So I drew my line in the sand, and although I could not sway the apartment complex to find a more humane way to handle the concern for building damage from ground animals, I did refuse the lethal poisons they were/are dropping into holes all over the property on my tiny yard. I also worked with prayer constantly. Immediately two squirrels figured out this was a safe haven. I named them Poof Butt…for his big poofy tale, and Lil Dude, who I adored beyond comprehension. Little Dude had a skinny and short tail and he was young. Still growing up. They had holes near my home that I let be…as the rest of the properties around me were not safe. And I let them know not to dig more. We had an agreement, and I fed them with the birds every morning so they would be less likely to get poisoned somewhere else. They became part of my animal tribe and our morning connection was a regular part of rituals that bring joy. I became a squirrel lover.

Immediately two squirrels figured out this was a safe haven.

What once was a neighborhood brimming with squirrels and gophers, now there were just two, both in my yard. I learned quickly they have different personalities and how to tell them apart. And they joined a family of other animals I have known and bonded with over years that included crows, little birds, lizards, and a hawk. The rules were….harmony and no harm. I didn’t know how long it could last, but it felt good to have them here. One is kind of chunky and super food oriented and one was tiny and very me oriented. Eye contact galore with Little Dude, every time he got spooked he came running for my front door.

I’ve always been into animal communication but found Little Dude the perfect buddy to start experimenting. I would go out front and sit in my yard and meditate and call him after a while. And that is when he would come. Walnuts help. He was not only an animal, he was quickly becoming a friend, and I know it was mutual. We always do know those things.

One morning he did not show up. Neither of them did. Besides leaving a surprisingly large empty space in my morning, I did wonder if he was okay. I made up that he was. The next morning I tried again…sitting out front and meditating and then calling him from my heart. Nothing. I concluded he was not in the holes, he was not in the yard…or he would have come. We had a reliable bond, he would have come…like he has before. I sent out a prayer for them and decided to walk my dog.

And they joined a family of other animals I have known and bonded with over years that included crows….

As soon as we rounded the corner the crows, who are tribe too, were sounding off the alarm…Big Time! Crows are extended family, and I immediately saw a huge red hawk on the ground and he hid something. I followed him as he flew up in the tree with a squirrel in it’s talons. I tracked him down and spoke in my own language looking directly into his fierce eyes telling him that is my friend and let him go. Someone watching might think I”m a lunatic, but I am as connected to hawk as any creature. He was looking right at me, I had seen the squirrel’s tail, and I knew he had Lil Dude. He immediately brought Little Dude out of the tree and let him out of his grip on a lawn and flew back into the tree to watch me. He was still alive.

I was doing energetic work through my hands. He was still alive but in shock and with a big gash. I took Little Dude into my house, where he would always run when he was scared. And there, while I was crying and praying and using sage, he died in my hands. I didn’t want to admit that…I took him to the wild life center at the SPCA in case we could get him back, but they said what I already knew…he had died.

I had asked to get Little Dude back so that I could bury him. They said no, he may have been poisoned and they don’t want to risk secondary poisoning. They told me about Rodenticide. I already know about that…unfortunately. Part of why it felt so important to have Little Dude and Poof Butt is because it was some small, tiny action to have a safe space for animals being purposefully killed by strychnide. That he was killed by a hawk…is better than to be poisoned. But he could have also been poisoned, there is no way to know.

The hawk in my tribe that has come to the birdbath so many days while squirrels were in the yard is not the hawk that scooped up Little Dude. That hawk knew, we had an agreement. This was a different hawk with yellow eyes that had come years before. He is huge. Little Dude was somewhere close, but not on my property when he got attacked. I am still amazed this hawk answered my request and immediately released Little Dude back to the ground, and let him go.

In the end, I was not able to keep Little Dude safe; but I was able to let him know he is loved.

In the end, I was not able to keep Little Dude safe; but I was able to let him know he is loved. Every day for months I would set out a nut for him…sometimes a few times a day in a certain place, and he would pop up out of the burrough and look at me in the window while he was eating it. I was able to spend the last few minutes of his life letting him know he was loved, that he will be missed, that him living mattered to me. His dying also matters, I am grateful to have loved this little being, and I trust his transition past the veil to be a beautiful one…

Can You See the Tree in Me?

Every breath I breathe is the gift of a tree.

Can you see the tree in me? I can see the sky in you. Can we hear the wind blow through, and hear the song in the breeze? I had to climb a tree tonight… to sing a song of gratitude. We have lost so many trees, that it is getting hard to see the sun. Just a grey haze, that was orange and yellow/brown for days. Now it is fog again…where I live. For most of this day, there are no words…layers of grief that run so deep that sleep and silence seem the cure.

By evening though I can’t help myself, I must go out on the land. To mourn, to grieve and to sing to the trees. Like an old friend that has gone far away, and you do not know if you will ever see them again…trees have become like that you see. Because so many are burning that to cherish them now is the only way how to get through this day. I brought my rattle and sang to many. I know so well, without you…there can be no me. Every breath I breathe is the gift of a tree.

The sun has gone too and the ocean does not look blue. Animals are burning and my stomach is churning to see what has become of the air and the land. Bring your prayers to the ash, to call in a new dream. One where we can hear the song of the stream, and know without trees there is no we. If we give thanks, love, and see deeply, we won’t cause so much harm to so many species.

One where we can hear the song of the stream

Tonight, singing to a tree is the best act I can take on for humanity. It was a human that lit the fire in Big Sur, and so many have forgotten that we need the earth, air, sun, water, spirit to survive. If we remember to love, that becomes ‘thrive’. I trust the wisdom of this being that is billions of years old. To walk through the fire and dance when you see, the beautiful ways of giving that is tree. Whenever I see a tree that has burned…little green seedlings spring up close by. Like a little baby tree party, that helps lighten my heart. Can we look beyond our lifetime and play a part of planting the future now? Now is the time, there is no time to wait. It starts with knowing it’s never too late to wake up to our dependence on beautiful tree…earth, air and water, without which we could not be.

Like a little baby tree party, that helps lighten my heart.

Fire is strong medicine and it is everywhere now…to the North and the South and many smell smoke. But trees are still standing and those are the ones to see with new eyes. Like an old friend you have loved but forgot and just walked by… for years at a time. Until one day you remember, I love you so much. And it’s not too late to reach out and get back in touch.

Whether you notice, or you don’t…tree keeps on giving life to so many. A solid standing one, offering refuge to any that come perch or crawl or climb on her branches. The deer come below and find their bedding. Going out in nature we learn the dance between all of the beings, that want us to give them a chance. So many are dying that after the song, singing in gratitude then the tears came along. To clean the heart and remove my fears. We must find another way to live. We can offer a new dream that honors all living things, where we tread lightly and remember to sing to future generations and all of the elements.

offering refuge to any that come perch or crawl or climb on her branches.

Can we see the tree as the breath in me? While we still have trees. Fire reminds us to be in gratitude to that which we have taken for granted. Fire burns through the complacency and denial so that perhaps every healthy tree we see now we can stop and see with a smile…that tree is a part of me. And the animals…without the trees, they have no place to live. Calling in humility so we can come back into balance with all we see, and the unseen…and live in harmony.

Calling in humility so we can come back into balance with all we see, and the unseen…and live in harmony.

Feed Kindness

In dark times when the darkness gets pretty heavy and there is a feeling of grief in me; I find an antidote in kindness. It can be kindness towards myself, trees, animals, strangers, neighbors, in thought or in heart. Acts of kindness lift me up. Sometimes it is giving chocolate chip cookies to the neighbors, or home made soup. This week it is offering safe refuge and adopting a squirrel.

You know the old story about a person walking the beach that is filled with washed up starfish, and one person is throwing them back in the water and another person is asking, “there’s too many how can you make a difference?” The woman replies…”made a difference with that one” as she gently tosses one back in the water. It’s like that. While ground animals are being poisoned all over my complex, and fires are burning all over my state…I adopted a squirrel. And we are bonding. No, not in my house, but in my heart. They weren’t allowed to poison around my home.

Our hearts are kind of like that. There may be poison being spread all over in many different directions…but we can find ways to create a safe refuge around our own hearts for ourselves and others. In this case, it was the very real boundary of saying no to the office management and the ‘pest’ control company that are applying poison to the borroughs of so many animals. I could not make them stop everywhere, (I tried) but I could say no. NO you can’t do this on this 500 square foot piece of land in the space around my apartment. No, no, no, no, no. I have said no many times to this. Not in an angry way, but in a committed way. So while hundreds have been killed in their own tunnels one has figured out around my house is safer. And kinder.

one has figured out around my house is safer.

This may seem stupid, but I really don’t care. Any little bit of kindness counts. Any kind of connection of the heart that can help create a more beautiful world…counts. I can’t stop the fires that have burned over a million acres in my state. But I can honor the animals and trees, and plants and people who live in my own hood with kindness. I can see them.

I admit, it is easier right now with animals than people. Part of the guidance I have received during Covid Times is…how would your relationships with humans be if you showed that kindness and consistency with them too? Got it, there’s more work to do. But for now, today…back to adopting a squirrel…I think he’s figured out his buddies are being killed all over the place.

you know there is this feeling of safe haven?

You know when you feel led to a place, or you know there is this feeling of safe haven? Go there now. During these chaotic times. I do think this squirrel has figured it out. There used to be squirrels all over the place in my hood and now there is this one…and one other. And they are staying close…to my house.

When I heard that guidance…about, what if you were like this with people…I was changing the water in the bird bath. I clean the birdbath every day, I clean the rocks in the birdbath every day, and I change and bless the water with a prayer for the birds…everyday. I talk to the birds in gentle, loving tones, and like the squirrel…they have figured it out. All species of birds have figured it. There will be birdseed and fresh water at My house. And if it is hella hot…like it has been…there will will be clean cool water twice…if I’m home. This teen hawk likes to hang out in the birdbath for long periods of time. Seeing him makes me smile.

Seeing him makes me smile.

When you are living with thick smoke for days that is from beautiful places with tons of life forms burning…you need to find ways to smile. I have adopted more than just a squirrel. I also have a very good relationship with Teen Hawk….and I have a soft spot in my heart for the Jack Rabbit. But these relationships come from offering my love over the years, in good times and very difficult times too. In the very difficult times…double down on kindness and compassion.

One of my coworkers lives on the street where the Carmel Valley fire started. I checked in with her early on and she was safe with two very little ones and husband at a friends. I checked in again and never heard back. I had a pretty strong intuition about the house burning but I didn’t want to push. We are co-workers but I am not in her inner circle and she has not been working with us since covid. So I asked my boss how she is. She said all is good…but I didn’t really believe it and asked her to check in on the house. So…yes, she hadn’t mentioned it at first and put on a happy face, but indeed her home burned and everything in it also burned. Part of compassion is having the courage to check in even when you feel all is not well. Through encouraging my boss to ‘inspect’ whether she really was okay…we can come together as a work community and when she is ready…be there for her. The idea of a gofundme page came through…but even those ideas must wait until the time is right for her.

During these times, honoring our intuition to follow with kindness makes it easier to get up in the morning. Even though it may not be easy every morning. We may not even know what exactly to do…but more important is who we be. Can we be open hearted? Can we be present? Can we just hold space for someone in our hearts without having to fix it, because we can’t really ‘fix it.’ I can’t really ‘fix’ millions of lives being lost in fires…but I can feed kindness. Whether it is with a squirrel, or a hawk, or a crow, or a jack rabbit, or a human. I can radiate light out over everything and everyone with love and compassion…knowing somedays…just accepting what is so and holding it in light…is enough. And to do that consistently…that is love in action.

knowing somedays…just accepting what is so and holding it in light…is enough.

ReWiring to Embrace Death

My guess is that when caterpillar was not feeling that great, and everything was going to shit…it was not doing the Happy Dance. But I could be wrong. My guess is that if caterpillar had a human mind and a choice, the butterfly never would have made it on the scene because caterpillar would have hung onto every single leg it had…and keep walking the caterpillar walk. Just so you know, I love caterpillar. It’s not like I hate caterpillar and love butterfly. I love both of them. They both are my teachers. I lead a slow enough life to have nature wisdom penetrate my heart. And when nature wisdom penetrates my heart deeply, it helps me know how to navigate these amazingly challenging times.

The other night at precisely 3 am the wind, a strange wind blew through my window into my ear…get up! Then I saw all kinds of flashing light outside. At first I wondered if it was a spaceship, there was so much light. But as I went to the window I saw it was an electrical storm. And from the lightening I hear, “Get Ready to Die.” It was three am…I was groggy but the seed was planted in my heart then. The lightening was not followed by thunder, I live in an area that never gets lightening and thunder. There was no rain. I watched for two hours…these lightening bolts come down and light up the dune where I live. I was amazed that no fire started. I bathe this land with prayer almost every day…and it is my allie. We were lucky there was no fire that night.

But there was fire. Because the lightening was not just on my sand dune where I live. This large message from nature was happening in other areas at the same exact time. It was happening in the Bay Area, it was happening all over my county. The next day when I went to work, as a massage therapist, I felt this super quiet eery…something is coming kind of feeling. The drive home I saw it, the smoke of the first of three fires. Big billowing plumes high up in the hills. There was so much lightening that night, I read later that fire started by lightening strike at 3:15 am. When I was at my window, knowing I am witnessing something big.

Just so you know, I love caterpillar.

Back to the caterpillar, with all those legs, doing it’s caterpillar thing. “Our House is on Fire!” could have seemed like melodramatic words to some when 15 year old Greta Thunberg said them to a room full of adults at the climate change conference, pleading and demanding leaders take bold action. Now one million acres have burned in California alone. It is heart breaking if you allow the awareness of how many nature beings and animals are dying right now. I still am having a hard time staying out of bed in the morning. I hear the animals not just from this continent. It is happening all over the world, the habitat loss. The species loss. I used to want to fix it. Make people stop flying for vacations, make people wake up to our ripple effect in our actions and inactions around climate change. I used to feel helpless and so frustrated. Now we are in it. Now it is surrender. Now it is compassion for our inability to fully embrace/recognize the consequences of our collective actions and inactions, including myself. “Get ready to die.”

Nature never leads me astray so there are things to do. I was one of the lucky ones, but at first it looked like I might have to evacuate because one fire turned into three and the air was filled with dense smoke for over a week. This was my first experience with fire so close and the semi panic was in my body. Wow, that’s what they mean by have a “GO bag and emergency supplies ready.” I didn’t, I had to collect all that. By the time I was ready, I knew we would not be evacuated. Which is good because there was nowhere to go with fires burning in the North and South. But my friends to the North had already picked up mom, their cats and fled to a hotel. They were there for a week. Many in my area were evacuated, some lost everything including their homes.

The mind, wants to deny pain and death and actually anything that is beyond it’s capacity to know how to cope with or control. That’s why some are wanting at one level to go back to business as usual when millions have the Corona Virus and last I checked nearly a million…have died globally from it. Yes, but when can I get my haircut? It’s been six months! Is there really even a virus? That’s not really that many people compared to the number of people on the planet. Is there really even climate change? If so, it’s natural and always been there. Oh, the mind!

That is why, instead of relying on the human mind (including my own) at this time I am taking refuge in the wisdom of the earth. The earth has been around billions of years. Species have come and gone, civilizations have come and gone. The earth has so much more wisdom than my teeny weeny lil old peanut head. So now, in respecting the elements…the beings that we all rely on for life itself…I trust that fire, wind, water, is cleansing and rebalancing what has gone out of balance. When we are without electricity, without water, without clean air, our priorities may change. Then when those things come back, will we remember to be grateful? It was when I could not breathe clean air that Greta Thunberg’s words came rippling through my heart. It was when soot covered the seaguls and ash covered the beach that I was grimly reminded how much I take for granted and how little control I have over the bigger picture. But I can come back to my heart center and say thank you to the elements, to honor them and acknowledge them. Expressing gratitude and respect is part of coming back into harmony with life.

Expressing gratitude and respect is part of coming back into harmony with life.

Two fires were started by lightening. A third was lit on purpose in Big Sur. I am not a big one for watching the news, but when I do, it is really clear we are not well. It feels like we are dying from the inside. All that was not well before this, is now coming fully into the light. Black Lives Matter rising up to retaliate against entrenched systemic racism, farmworkers and other ‘essential workers’ who are mainly immigrant are expected to work through all kinds of different conditions, while at the same time, being at risk of being deported. It is insane. Just like a person lighting a fire in the wilderness on purpose is not mentally, emotionally or spiritually well. I bet that caterpillar had a hard time doing his daily walk about during the latter part of caterpillar-dom.

My habit energy, from a super young age..is to want to make it all better. Here…my family is having a divorce, no one is talking to each other and everyone is sad. Have some candy and pop I bought with my pocket change. That will make it all better. OR maybe I can take your burden for you and carry it. The empath can pick stuff up without even knowing it…learning to dance with that consciously in these times is essential. Because, no…you can’t carry it for another, and it just pulls your own energy down. I don’t fly anymore that much but I remember…in case of emergency, put the oxygen mask over your own face first.

A third was lit on purpose in Big Sur.

The fires are burning and things are dissolving. The auto response can be to want to tape the legs back onto the caterpillar so he can walk again . The person who thinks they are helping the butterfly by puncturing a hole in it’s cocoon, making it easier to get out does not have the wisdom of nature. The struggle of getting out of that cocoon is what causes the fluids to circulate into the wings so it can, indeed fly. I am not in total denial, I am feeling grief in a big way. But there is also trust that we are a species that is evolving. IF we don’t evolve spiritually, we will be like other civilizations that have come and gone.

My directive from nature could be literal, or it could be symbolic. I don’t really know. I am not dead yet. But preparing to die is what could bring me fully to life. I am covering my bases, I will create a living will (like the Go Bag, I don’t have a will), will look for someone who may be a care giver for my animal for when I die…but most importantly, don’t sleep walk through life. Pay attention to the gift of this life…like the gift of having wild animals still in nature, birds singing, trees, clean air, your loved ones who you can talk with now…say what there is to say to. We never know, when it is time to go. But right now it is time to grow….wings.

But right now it is time to grow….wings.


You Are Not my Enemy

In a dream last night gophers were trying to scratch thru my mattress from inside of it and break the surface. Lots of them. It was a disconcerting dream and I wasn’t sure I knew the meaning…but I knew that people are poisoning gophers on the apartment complex grounds I live in this month. I couldn’t find my dream journal…so here is the story.

I discovered the plan to poison all of the ground animals in a routine letter from our property management office, happily announcing the name of the company and that they would be on site in the month of August. Squirrels, moles, voles, gophers were to be ‘treated’ which is the numbed out human way of saying…poisoned. There is an overpopulation in my area. God forbid they may cause the world economy to collapse. So just incase you don’t feel the presence of death enough these days…it will be in your (my) neighborhood.

these beings are actual sentient beings.

So…here is the thing…the gophers, the squirrels, the lizards, the birds, the coyote…they are my friends. How do you stop the killing machine? I started speaking up as soon as I got the email. First…by acknowledging them. The fact that it must be hard to manage a huge housing complex in the midst of Covid Pandemic. And I meant it, they have been generous and shown consideration and kindness. I have sent that message to them before. Then…inspect. What are you using, what happens with the bodies, what the hell, man! Okay, that part I just thought.

You know when people are killing things you love and you don’t feel like you can stop it? Then it is try and remind whoever is receiving my protest…these beings are actual sentient beings. Then, when I actually read the content of the 12 products (different forms of poisons) they are using…that is when I hit the Big Bright Red emergency button. Because this poison ripples out to other beings too. And that is when my body went into…panic mode. And with that energy, as you can imagine…the conversation with the head of this property was like one wall not hearing the other wall.

Again, how do you stop the killing machine?

Expressing concern about the secondary poisoning didn’t make a difference, expressing concern about the toxic effects on the land or water didn’t, in fact…all I got was…contact the company and get your questions answered. Excuse me, the company makes a living and is completely vested in poisons to kill animals, it is their livelihood.

“What’s your alternative?” that is what Bruce Delgado…the Mayor of Marina said to me when I reached out to him. He is an earth lover, animal lover…yet he thought like a business man. “They are doing what is cheap and convenient. You have to come up with an alternative.” By the way, they aren’t only doing this on my property…the office manager tried to console me by letting me know the county of Monterey is using the same company to poison animals all over the county. That is when I got really depressed. Again. Bruce, being the bright light he is, was able to trap and move squirrels where he works so they don’t endanger the foundation of the buildings on the properties he was working at, but they are not getting poisoned and poisoning others. “But it took me a lot of time and energy,” he said. He absolutely did not have the band width to help me. As a volunteer mayor with a full time job he put it back in my lap.

Speaking up was a start…it was the very least I could do. I started talking to my neighbor that loves animals. And I found she loves ‘some’ animals. The ones that piss her off because they mess with her garden…not so much. Or that her dog catches and kills…no, she hates burying squirrels her dog killed. So speaking of anything unpleasant to anyone is just…not easy right now. Because it is already an unpleasant time with a lot of people struggling, in many ways. I stopped…because I could see I was not going to win this battle. After speaking up through two layers of management, speaking to the mayor, speaking to my neighbor…I went back to working energetically.

Working with my love to bless the land I live on and put a shield around the land energetically. Because that is the guidance I got. Send the light right into the same burroughs under the ground that these people are poisoning and bating my friends with. And do it without hatred. Because hatred is just like sending out the same poison they are…on an energetic level. I heard really clearly from my guides….”Whatever you do, make sure you do it from love.”

So fast forward to last week. Fires have broken out, there are sirens from firetrucks, smoke is in the air…I am driving to the post office to get some donations in the mail. I pass the guy laying stuff on the land where my friends the crows hang out. I slow down…I know he is part of the company on site to kill animals. I almost pull a ueee but keep going. When I come back from the post office I track him down in my complex. This guy is just doing his job, I get that. And I am doing my job…being a voice for voiceless animals. I strike up a conversation and he knows right away that I am not cool with what he is doing. He reassures me ‘this is oatmeal, I could eat it’….He has a big wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth. I am looking at him like, really? “What about tomorrow when you come back with poison?” “What about the bodies? What about secondary poisoning? What about the people who don’t want you on their property…like me?” But the thing was all inside of neutral energy. I wasn’t demeaning him, he was not defensive with me. When I went into the realm of…how does that feel…he let me know, “These are RODENTS!” So…there is where the heart armor comes in. Animals can be terminated without a second thought.

Fast forward…after two weeks of fires. After thousands of acres of land burning. After some people’s homes burning, and hundreds of thousands more animals dying of fire all over my county and the state… I wake up on a day I don’t want to get out of bed, from a night of dreams. One of which was of gophers…trying to get through to me.

we should just let them be

I look out my window…and see a man in the yard being very still and holding a pole steady to dip into a gopher hole. I know what he is doing. He is poisoning the gopher in that hole. It is so much easier to live a life of denial…in some ways. But, that is what our culture has already been doing, and the cost is too high. I watched the man, looked for the truck. This was a different man than the one I talked to before, and my heart is also different.

I ask him, are you with the company poisoning the animals? I just start talking to this man straight from my heart and I can see…I can feel…he is hearing it. I said, there are so many animals dying in fires right now. “So many people are struggling right now, not knowing if they have work, not knowing if their kids should go to school…” All this stuff just came pouring out of my heart…except anger. There was no anger. There was no hatred. There was just…you can’t do that here. Not on my property. He told me, “This bothers me now….I’ve been doing it for years and it bothers me now.” “I agree with you…all these animals dying in fires…we should just let them be. But I have a family to feed.” I was crying on my knees on the lawn. It wasn’t about gophers, it was about the consciousness that thinks killing things is the way to solve problems. It was not seeing our actions as a part of the problem. But most of all…I could feel this man had an open heart and he could hear my heart. I told him about the dream. Of course the dream was part of the gophers speaking to me.

I was planning to do honorable closure ritual for all of the land animals who had died of poisoning because it is the end of this month and they are leaving. But in the conversation with this man, he told me the contract with this property is for a year. I could feel my heart sinking…and my resolve rising. It’s kind of like the times we are in, right? Stay home for two weeks while we try and get a handle on this virus. Then the two weeks turns into six months. But the six months…in that six months…how deep in our hearts have we gone to see what we do to the earth, other humans, and other species, we do to ourselves? How much inner work have we done while millions of people are getting sick and thousands…tens of thousands of humans are dying?

So I tried going to bed, and had hoped not to have a dream about gophers…but then I laid awake. Instead of laying awake, I am honoring the lives of the animals that live below the land around my home with this story, with this blogpost. Fires are still burning all over my state. May those fires burn through our collective denial so we can see with more clarity from our hearts after the smoke has cleared.

Today I took a walk on Fort Ord by my home. I go there almost daily. On some days, like today…I pick up old bullets. Those bullets are the same thing…made from a consciousness that believes killing other humans can solve a problem. In fact, Fort Ord was where young men got trained to kill other young men from another country…Vietnam. To be able to bring patience and humility to the insight of the harm we do to ourselves, other humans and other species…that is where transformation may actually occur. And it is a marathon. Every marathon goes best by taking just one step at a time. Today’s step is speaking up from an open heart and this man knows that he is not my enemy…yet, you have no permission to do that here at my home. To speak up without shooting out more poison, that is a skill that is much needed right now. Like any other thing, I trust it will get easier with practice.

Job Re Entry from Covid Pause

my journey back to work is another chapter in my journey of trusting the path right in front of me.

I am about to go back to work….as a massage therapist at a four star lodge. I’ve been off over three months. Yet, my inner work has been at home…going deep, in prayer, in reflection, in ritual and honoring our connection; seeing if you were not there, I could not be here. So maybe, a better way to say it, is I am about to go back to the massage job. Living in the U.S., I am hoping those of us that are in the Great Pause from the nine to five are using it in a way that nourishes well being and wisdom…so the collective well being and wisdom in our culture can grow. I am deeply humble in knowing everyone is going through this time in a variety of extremely different conditions and called to different actions. So, bringing it back to me doing my work in my way.

Have to admit that I was not jumping up and down to go back to the massage job in the midst of a pandemic. After waiting over two and a half months to receive unemployment money there was a nanno second of terror about falling back off unemployment to go to work. Not knowing how busy it may or may not be. The graciousness of my employer is allowing me to ease back in. California is spiking in Covid cases, and the county I am in also has an increase in cases. As difficult as it has been at times to shelter in place alone, there has been this rich feeling of the long, much anticipated exhale. I feel the earth and many animal beings also enjoying the beautiful exhale. Ohhhh, there is pain from this, but there is a lot of good too. Thinking about going back caused rapid inhale and holding my breath.

Having moved through the auto reaction of panic, now I can embrace the opportunity to have a job, a structure with other people, and to be in service through my hands and energy. I don’t fear this virus personally, but I respect it. I respect what it has come to show us…the vast divide in how different people are supported or not supported in our society and the mind boggling divide currently plaguing our country. Personally, my journey back to work is another chapter in my journey of trusting the path right in front of me…one step at a time.

rise high in the sky and keep a wide perspective

At first when I got the word, I was on the news pretty often. I knew already that we were opening stage 3 before actually meeting the suggested criteria of percentage of Covid cases (in my county). There was also a rise in cases statewide. So, I am not going in with eyes closed. Then the message came loud and clear, let go of what is going on out there and trust my intuition. Trust my intuition on asking for a bit more time and trust it to go back. My intuition is a pretty clear guide, and it says go back to work…but not as much. It is also saying rise high in the sky and keep a wide perspective…not getting caught in the small, reactive self. In the days leading up to the re entry, stay out of the news, and be in the present, local reality of my home. Feed joy.

We are in a liminal window…the in between times is a magic time. So, be mindful of what I am focusing on. Am I focusing on the number of Covid cases, or am I focusing on creating a beautiful space to write in and create magic from with others? Bottom line is I know that I don’t know. I don’t know how long this window will last…of being able/permitted to do massage, I don’t know how safe it is, I don’t know how it will feel to be back, until I am back. But I do know whatever I focus on grows. I am focusing on my gratitude for this opportunity to reset my life compass to my heart.

I have had regular breakfast dates with my friend the jack rabbit

Do you know your best medicine? Particularly challenging times is an opportunity to discover what brings light, joy, and aliveness into your eyes. Also, know how to come out of inner panic or anxiety if/when it arises. My medicine bag has some of the same things…being in nature, being with animals and trees and sometimes the ocean breeze. Like many of us, I stayed close to home during most of this time. So I went deeper and deeper with the same land…some trees are elder friends who sheltered me with unconditional love and acceptance and helped me be stable . Then there are the animals that are drawn to my space. I love them. I have had regular breakfast dates with my friend the jack rabbit…on the sand dune behind my house. Part of having stability to re enter my job, is to appreciate the safety and beauty of my home base and to know it is there for me.

Then there is to be aware of possible pitfalls of re-entry. Oh the blind spots! Again, intuitive messages are how I self correct. Sometimes not so subtle. I was hiking in one of my favorite nature spots just reveling in the beauty, when my body started to panic as I saw several folks walking… “Oh-Oh…there’s PEOPLE!” I literally started bolting by them as fast as possible and then splat. Down I go, tripping and falling on the ground and telling them sheepishly, ‘yeah, I’m okay.’ Some might think that is about Covid, but it isn’t, it’s just the panic that can arise from being around people. We can make anyone into an ‘other’, we can make entire groups (black youth, police, republicans, people who don’t wear masks, super rich people) into an ‘other’ often without knowing it. In that moment, I made an ‘other’ of those sweet people that were just out hiking too. The heart/mind of othering is kind of the same no matter who gets the label. I scraped my knee, felt mildly embarrassed…but more than anything I got the guidance…stop running from humans! Notice any auto aversion and go back to that open hearted space!

More guidance came through on that mega hike. Every time I thought about what another therapist might be doing with their hours, or coming back, or not coming back…again, I got tripped up. Literally, my hiking boots snagged onto one and other and I almost fell again. I am in a deep place of listening, so I knew immediately that was a sign. Putting energy out on what other people are or are not doing in these times will trip me up. It was inner guidance. I am working on transforming that habit and just staying true to my own path one step at at time.

I am grounding into knowing we are all in these different webs of experience…

Don’t expect anything to be the same now, it’s not. Holding space for all these different perspectives, for all of these different parrallel realities without having to impose my view on another…is something that feels increasingly important. Been there, done that and noticed it did not lead to warm and cozy feelings. What I feel is obvious…like this is a spiritual awakening time for us to re arrange our priorities and come into right relation with each other, the earth and beings that support our existence…that is my view. That is not THE view. Though, sometimes I go to… “duh, how can you not see that?” While another person might be, “why the heck aren’t you out in the street if you care about justice?” Or another might be, “I’m not wearing no damn mask!” As I head out of my tiny shelter in place home bubble, I am grounding into knowing we are all in these different webs of experience…like always. Now is the time to really make space in myself to include all of it, honor all of it.

Some people have not had a chance to slow down at all. Some have been working their butts off in difficult conditions. Some people are cooped up in houses with tons of people and going nuts wanting private space. Some people planted gardens, spent tons of time with their kids and did art. Some people love their jobs so much it’s been agony to be away. Some people have lost loved ones unexpectedly from Covid or some other event and are in shock and grieving. When I remember a wider perspective, like the soaring turkey vulture gliding far above all of it, there is an ease in being with all the differences in peace. Then it’s just take this one step in my reality and rest easy knowing deep down, all is well.

Then it’s just take this one step in my reality and rest easy knowing deep down, all is well.