Write Now?

I have heard it said, that to be a writer, you need to write. Aspiring writers, can continue to think about the day when all conditions line up magnificently and a holy grail moment bestows the RIGHT writing idea and then we write. You might ask yourself, as I am, what am I waiting for? To move from aspiring writer to writer is just to take a stand….”I”m a writer, right now.”

Now don’t get me wrong, writing those five words would not have me quit my day job at this point….although I could. There are no wrong choices, just different life experiences. It does however change the perspective from some day way in the future maybe there might be something of service born out of my wee lil writer’s womb…to it’s here and now baby. A vibrational shift has happened, out of a declaration.

What else happens when we set new goals and move towards our hearts greatest yearnings? Well in my case, distractions happen and old conditioning and stories pop up. Distractions…self made and emerging from corners of life that had been quiet. Like car trouble, flooding in nearby communities, work drama, self sabotage, and on and on. But for many of us of the writing ilk, we are always writing. I still write in a journal, I write daily lists of stuff to do, I write aspirations and goals, I write shit to burn in rituals that is stuck heavy energy to transform it…I am never without a pen. So owning our right to write because we are of the writers tribe, is like a new happy dance for me now. I’m just beginning this new happy dance of knowing at a cellular level, this is part of my life path including livelihood….like that dirty word….money!

How can you make money doing what you love if you think it is bad to make money doing what you love? Old programming, that is like outdated milk. How appetizing would it be to drink year old milk that has been sitting on the counter? Ughhh! Yeah, that is representative of a belief. We all have our own load of B.S. (belief systems), and it is time for an upgrade on mine. Can’t do anything about other people, but I can work on mine. Or even more fun, I can work on mine with other people who want to work on theirs.

My pacifier is journal writing. It helps me embrace my own suffering and move through obstacles, it helps me be my own best friend. It helps me see where I have been and where I’m going. I love journalling! With a cup of coffee on a day off it is one of the most sublime experiences of just a long deep exhale. I savor it like a piece of chocolate. But today, I am blissiplining myself to write this blogpost first…before my piece of chocolate. Who knows…maybe someday the blog writing (or book writing) will become the piece of chocolate. Right now, writing here and now, is the brocolli before the chocolate. I am making myself, because like many things in life, I didn’t really want to write a blog post right now. What do I have to say? Nada!

It’s not like I don’t know what I want to be doing as my heart service, it’s more like…it’s better as a far off idea than now. Then I don’t risk failing. Or going broke and having to live under a bridge. Then there is inertia. I have a lot of inertia in writing in a journal as a way of coping, rather than pulling those same issues out into the open and saying, hey….‘Can you benefit from hearing this ride I”m on?’ Because if you can, I”d love to be in service that way. Then we will be on the ride together, making break throughs out of break downs.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, “Your Greatest Teacher is Your Last Mistake.” How much would it cost to see a therapist and spend who knows how long getting that bumber sticker wisdom? The universe always has my back, and me knowing that is the gift. Seeing the bumper sticker was an aha moment for procrastinating what I love the most for when it is a better time to do it. There is no better time than now.

Let’s get back to old B.S. Bless the b.s. but be willing to shed it and replace it with a higher vibrational program. Then it is to feed the higher vibrational program and find others who will feed the higher vibrational program in you and give you a heads up when you get sucked back into old bs. Or, if you don’t get that from people, you may from the world around you. At work, (again) on my friday walking out to the parking lot talking about stuff that is heavy and hard to know about with a work friend… I got to my car and found it again, with a dead battery.

It’s dark, it’s in the middle of rain bursts and I am just calm. Okay…universe…Okay, damn it! It’s like when My Electronics go out. My guides don’t want me on something on line they just make the screen black. My car has over 200,000 miles so there is that, but it is the message, you need a brand new battery. Not just a jump start. Pay attention to what drains your battery. If I hear a friend telling me I am draining their battery, pay attention to that too. IF I find my own B.S is draining my own battery, pay attention to that. Not like something is wrong or bad, just like…information that may get louder if I don’t address it. Just like the bumper sticker.

So, back to the rainy dark night, when my car would not start. This is another ask for help moment…I slither over to my work friend who is about to pull out and drive home to see if she may be willing to give me a ride home. “Sure.” Then I realize I don’t want to be asking for help tomorrow morning too and I call AAA instead and let her know I”ll wait for AAA.

I have my asking for help quota and this month I’m well over it. But, given my work place is kind of off the beaten path and given it’s about to rain again…I asked different people for help. Now here is some new wisdom that I am just grocking while I write this. My friend who was willing to give me a ride but didn’t, had told me the Engineering department had helped her last time she had needed a jump. Hmmm. And the front desk young friends had come out with jumper cables and huddled by my car willing to try. All and all we had three sets of jumper cables of various lengths and four people there waiting for engineering and AAA at the same time. My young friends were laughing and making an adventure of it. As I kept looking at my phone to see how long til AAA arrived. The grace of the universe is always present, one work friend was in awe that she just happened to be parked right next to my car in the parking lot, but I was not surprised. I know the universe has my back, ALL WAYS, even in these situations.

It was Engineering who won the race. They pulled up in a honkin big Company truck and used my cables to jumpstart my car. All the while my coworkers were joking with the engineer and taking selfies. It was like a car mishap party, even though I was not laughing, I was glad they were. The engineer, well they know how to do this stuff, we couldn’t even find how to pull the thing off the newer car battery to find where the battery plugs were. My car, old and no problem, their car was new and we were clueless. My young friend pulled out of her spot to make room for the truck and the engineering guy did it with ease and speed. The AAA guy had no problem canceling the order. The universe is abundant, generous and kind; if I let it be.

Back to, “I’m a writer, right now.” When I sat down to write this blog post, it was not what I wanted to do. I felt I had nothing to say. I often wonder if people other than the few I ask to read it, actually read this. But…who cares? I am a writer NOW and that is my new mantra. I could even be bold and go a step further, with I am a writer right now who is making a positive difference for others and having fun doing it. Whoah! There’s a shift. The natural outcome of that is, I easily make my living with my creative works. Whoah….there’s another!

Reflecting on that dark rainy night and the next morning…I see a few pieces of wisdom that I did not see before writing this. One is, talking about dark heavy stuff (which was the walk to the car) is draining. Even if it is part of me assimilating new information and needed, it can be draining. Then, reaching out to different people for support so I don’t lay a burden on others that I don’t intend to…is important. Keeping it light even on a dark, rainy night is easier when I inter-bee with others. So, I could have put all of this in my journal, and for sure have put bits and pieces in there and more to come. But maybe, just maybe this is more fun and can make a ripple with others.

I did get a new battery, the very next day. The car started with no problem the next morning when I went to the mechanic. Because I am an energetic weaver, helping myself and others weave in new realities, it didn’t go un-noticed that my car had no problem starting the next morning. But it was still time to get a new battery. You can think of the new battery as a set of beliefs, patterns, relationships, work, habits etc. For me and where I am at in my life journey, I am starting with Beliefs or actually continueing this rewiring work. That is part of my life work, that is part of what I am here to do, and I know that. So I am stopping with pretending that I don’t know that and am actually doing it. Yahoo. Now a big, lovely exhale.