It has happened once, twice or uhmm more… that I have fallen off of my practices. Be it regular blog writing, or radiating light to all beings great and small, or doing the dishes before bed…or you get the idea. There is the saying, “Practice makes Perfect” but I beg to differ. Practice makes Practice and the whole point of practice is to practice, not to perfect. Quite a relief for the human in me to hear those words out loud or at least feel them flying out of my imperfect little fingers. But the Puritan in me, the one who thinks thou shalt not be imperfect...well she is shaking her head and wagging her index finger at me with a deeply furrowed brow.
Compassion to the rest of ya’ all, all over the world starts with little ole me being able to smile to my imperfections. Maybe even laugh at how grave I get about them and then gently pick my practices back up. I am guessing maybe, just maybe I”m not the only one. Another word for practice might be habits or commitments. I have certain tell tale signs that once I notice…oh that hasn’t happened for a while, help me come back to them one by one.
One habit is cleaning and filling the birdbath, blessing the water for the birdies and spreading seed out on the lawn daily for them. Today I saw my bird seed bag sitting empty and my bird bath likewise empty. Another daily practice is making a ‘to do’ list under the question, “What’s Most Important Today?” I notice I actually don’t care what’s most important today. I’m ‘Meh!’ about making that list. My inner Doo Doo task master is taking a vacation.
So what do you do when your doo doo master is not present? I’m actually experiencing it as a gift. Just breathe. Is that ever on the to do list? Breathe? Give thanks for having a heated home to live in, for having food to eat, for having clean drinking water, a phone, internet, a job, friends and family. Rebel that I am, Thanksgiving is today not just the day before the mega buy now ‘black friday’ sales event.
My dad lives every day like it is thanksgiving. Which is pretty remarkable given he can barely see, his balance is not great, his hearing is going and he is 96 and a half. He rounds up and says he is 100. Still, his most repeated phrase is, “Lucky ME!” when describing his life. Does he want to go to the great beyond…YEP! In fact, the sooner the better according to him. “I would be at peace if I never saw another sunrise,” he murmured from his arm chair on my last visit. Right now his eyes can’t see me but they can see things to be grateful for everyday while he patiently awaits the next adventure and the shedding of his very old body.
I guess habits kind of went out the window for a while when I came back from visiting him. There was some excavation to do. The deep digging that helps keep the well of love flowing comes from courage. It takes courage to see ‘OH, I really got triggered after that visit.’ How do I come home to myself in a way where I can honor old wounds while letting go of any hope for a better childhood? Every family probably has its’ secrets, its’ hidden dungeon. The trick is not to get stuck in there. The dad of 96 who is walking in grace and uttering continuous words of gratitude is not the same guy as when he was 50…or 60…or 70. He is not the same guy as when I was 5 or 10 or 15. He has softened around the edges in a way that is quite beautiful. We are preparing for his transition, or I AM preparing for his transition. It could be in a month, it could be in five years. It is not surprising distant muck from years gone by would rise to the surface after this most recent visit. A by product of rising muck was wanting to roll over, go back to sleep and tug the covers tightly over my head.
There are practices and there are rituals. I need both to keep this boat afloat. What are your practices and rituals? How do you be with yourself if you find you are not showing up perfectly for those? What keeps your engine running smoothly and how do you know when things are getting a bit off kilter? This blog is not just me sharing me, it’s about offering tools and gifts for you to be your best you. So what is it that has you be your best you in this present moment? What about when there is a muck alert?
Ritual can transform energy in a sacred and physical way. It has the capacity to shift energy in a way that meditation doesn’t for me. To come back to my practices it helped to do a fire ritual to honor all the crap that came out of the closet after my visit to my dad. Or at least this batch of crap. Who knows what tomorrow brings? I do know that the lotus comes up from the muck, so bless the muck and grow the lotus.
If you have some muck right now, you may try this ritual. Set some sacred time and space up when you can be undisturbed. It doesn’t have to be a ton of time. The main thing is to bring your hidden or hurt parts with you and let them know it is a safe place to be real. With a free hand write un-edited whatever emotions, words or whatever wants to come out and be heard, honored and seen in a free write. I wrote my little heart out with crayons, bold markers and whatever was around. The important thing is permission to say anything. Know you are honoring wounds, showing up to take care of them and release them. Take your scribbles to a fire-safe container outdoors call in ancestors, guides, guardians and the transforming power of fire to help transmute these dense energies and family patterns.
I lit my crumpled papers with a bic lighter under the stars and the moon and watched the flames in a fire safe pot. A few days later I realized I hadn’t buried the ash yet. Always remember to bury the ash. Fire and mother earth have the capacity to shift so much. It just takes a willingness to show up. I do ask Spirit, guides and the energy of fire to help transmute this energy for my benefit and the benefit of all. Everyone has their own tools and during these times on the planet and this time in my own family, I need them all. Maybe you do too. Just don’t forget self compassion.
Adult me knows, like everyone, dad of today is not the same as dad of yesterday. When I do ritual to compost those heavy feelings that have been triggered from my last visit it lightens my energy field and lets me shine brighter. To name and honor whatever needs to be named and honored is part of preparing for his transition. So instead of being caught in the muck I can be right there with him in gratitude and grace when the time comes. I find ritual is like cleaning the house. I don’t clean the house one time and think, cool it’s done for life! No, no, no. Especially not on the cusp of huge shifts.
Doing that fire ritual helped me come back to my practices. I’ll make my ‘to do’ list today. I will buy a fresh bag of birdseed today. I will complete this blogpost today. I’m not throwing my hands up in the air saying, I shouldn’t bother because I didn’t write for so long. No, I share my imperfect self and trust people will wrap their own arms around their own imperfect selves too. What better time than the holidays to share a little reflection on imperfection and coming home to the heart. Good luck with your heart adventures and this ritual if you have the courage and desire to use it.
Every Day Magic 