Big Problems require Big Soulutions, but surrender just requires letting go. We are in the caterpillar state as a species. And when I look around sometimes…many times, I want to put my cape on and get on my white horse and ride in with some other wildish women alongside me and raise some damn consciousness. ‘Wake up ya’all!’…It is like machinery, this desire to connect the dots of how we are living, and where that is headed and how we may shift it. Then I remember, Begin With The End in Mind. So, maybe…we are in the butterfly stage and our job is to be Imaginal Cells calling in a dream that is worthy of us. One where the human race is awake to our impact on other species and we dance with grace with each other and all beings. You know…Imagine Nation.

One of my animal allies is redtail hawk. Hawk, not like the political hawk, can see patterns and details from a high altitude. It has big time vision. One day, churning in the ‘big ass problems’ facing us today I was wondering if I could be of more use as an activist. Like quit my job and dive into activism. Writing, striking, I dunno…whatever it takes to jostle the status quo that is sleep walking on self destruct. Right when I asked that question, I saw a smashed and dead redtail hawk right infront of me on the road. “Okay, got it.” I was driving to work, and when I ask questions straight from my heart, the answers come quick and obvious. So, then what?

If I put my cape away and keep my white horse in the barn then there is to pick up the dog poop in my own yard and do the dishes. Maybe even focus on my breath, and breathe deeper into my belly. Definitely walk the land and feel the ground beneath my feet. Maybe I could clean the carpets, clean the windows, let go of stuff I no longer need in the closet, shed. While I am breathing deeper into my belly, maybe I could focus on my heart and bring my presence into my heart…maybe it’s time to chop wood, carry water while listening deeply to the earth.

When I sit in a tree, and I do sit in trees, I feel no worry from them. They are at peace. They are solid (the ones I sit in) and stable. It’s so easy for me to be pulled into challenges that are so much bigger than me, yet the biggest challenge is to wake up to the beauty that is all around us and within us and nurture that. Creating a stable base to work from is the work too. When I was in the peace movement I experienced how important it is to transmute anger and grief because if not we are working for peace from anger. If we are aware of all the beings that are being impacted by how our species is living and we get caught in helplessness or despair, then we can find ways to transform those states. I am not a dirt gardener, but I am an energetic gardener and I know the importance of composting our despair or frustrations. It doesn’t mean we deny their presence, it means we care for ourselves as we would like to see society care for the earth and each other. Sometimes taking even a small action to speak up about what I see from hawk vision helps me know I am doing something, to sow the seeds of a new dream.

Caterpillar thinks it is dying because it is dying. You cannot fly if you have 16 legs. If it were up to caterpillar, my guess is…it would be holding onto all those legs and its’ caterpillar life. But Transformation is calling butterfly into her wings. I can be at home, without my cape… doing chores, walking the land, and building new pictures. Remembering that being an Imaginal Cell starts at home, and I can be that cell while I chop wood, carry water…transformation is calling.

You know, or maybe you don’t, the saying of don’t live your life looking in the rear view mirror. Meaning don’t get caught in a preoccupation with the past and miss the gift of the present moment. At the same time, there are points in life where looking back is part of moving forward. If we can look back with the eyes of love and compassion and a gentle curiosity, we may see energetic patterns or habits that no longer serve.

When I lived in Plum Village with the monastic and Lay community of Thich Nhat Hanh, I received so many jewels that will stay with me through out my life. One was when I was talking with a nun who said, “when people are unskillful in some way, they are doing what they know how to do. They don’t know another way to do it.” It was such an aha moment. Learn other ways to do it that work better, and then find a way to weave those things into life and unweave the things that I may have learned unconsciously that have become habitual ways of being or behaving.

Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh, is one of the rare individuals in my life who so fully embodies unconditional love and the people who practice with him also do the same. My more habitual reaction can be…’piss me off…I’m gone’. And even if I don’t look like I’m gone, I am gone. I guess you could call that…human being doing it’s automatic conditioned program. It was such a deep experience to be in the presence of some one who just deeply loved and accepted all of me, even though I know that he knows my short comings. There’s really no words for it. The power of unconditional love is beyond words.

If we can learn to look at ourselves with those same eyes of acceptance and non judgement who knows what might be possible. We may be able to do so for others in time too. I’ve been conditioned in a different way, but I am masterful in being willing to shift my own programming, so that in time I may teach and facilitate others in doing the same. Looking back, I can come back to my awareness of the power of unconditional love and I can start releasing those patterns within myself that can block that experience.

We all have blocks, or most of us have blocks to the experience of unconditional love or else the world we live in would look a lot different. It is a flow in and out and if we can allow unconditional love in, it is also possible to allow that to flow out. As children this is a natural thing, it is effortless, it is what we are wired for. But then we get rewired at an early stage by fear and judgement and on and on. So there are times when it is worth taking a minute or two to look back, and see what is it that I am afraid of? What is it that can be released now to let more love flow through life? Deer friend, thank you for helping me take a heartfelt look back…you always know the way forward!

I can take the same walk almost every day and have a different and amazing adventure every time. Do you ever meet beings on your path that you connect with immediately? You take a moment to be with each other and size each other up. Sometimes ‘the other’ is younger than you, or older, or a different color, or as with me…many times, it’s a different species.

This is the tiniest of these creatures I have ever met, just a baby. It was smack, dab in the middle of my path as I started my walk. We spent a few moments together. I could see she is not afraid of me. So I let her know right away I meant her no harm, in fact, I could give her shelter energetically.

We started a conversation, this one and I…and I asked her if she would like to climb into my hand. I heard immediately she did. I was kneeling on the ground in the warm sun, knowing not to force it. In her body, she was hesitant…unsure. There is always choice, and there is no wrong choice. “I could take you on an adventure”… I had heard right away, ‘yes’…but it still took a little time. I definitely was not going to try and pick up this tiny creature.

Once she had climbed aboard, she was totally content to hang out and go for my walk with me. When I connect with beings, I never know where it will go, I just trust the flow. She was amazingly at home on my hand. She trusted me and had no fear, I know how it looks in an animal if they are in fear. She was comfortable.

I was learning from this new friend; how you can take new adventures if you trust. We covered way more ground then she would. I took my usual route and introduced her to some friends of mine. I gave her the 5 10″ female, humanoid perspective on walking in nature. Another way to see what was already her home. And I poured all kinds of good ju ju into this tiny being, because she allowed me to.

We saw, or I should say, I saw many others of her kind. One almost as tiny as her. But she is the only one riding a human, in complete harmony, because she chose that. I issued the invitation, and she accepted.

I see myself as a baby in so many ways. Baby on the path, sitting in the middle of the road, looking around. This one showed me a lot about trust, ease and allowing, and I shared with her a lot in that hour too. I had heard she wanted to come home with me. But I am not a lizard whisperer and I have a pit bull who eats flies at home. As well as a hawk that likes taking baths in my bird bath. I told her I thought she would be happier staying there.

In the end, again, it is about choice. I follow guidance and go with the flow in moments like these so I lowered my hand to the ground and waited. She did not move. She did not want to leave me. I walked to another space and was seeing how I may have her live in harmony with other lizards at home if she didn’t step off my finger. I laid my hand down again in the sand…and waited a few more minutes…she agreed and stepped off. In the same general area I had found her. Every moment we have opportunities to connect, to step together into our own magic carpet ride of sorts…and no matter how long it lasts, it’s a gift.

I made home-made muffins yesterday…banana nut.  I make sure and wait until the bananas are so brown and goey that they look like a kid’s science project.  I had the flour, the orange juice and the nuts.  I was thinking about stuff…life stuff, as I made the muffins.  “Need to do this”, “don’t feel like doing that”, kind of stuff.  Glad I get to make muffins, though.  When I went to the stove to take them out I thought, these look different.  Very different.

Then I remembered what I forgot…baking soda.  Muffins without Baking Soda are just not the same as muffins with baking soda.  A bit distracted, I was, while making the muffins. When I looked at the pancake flat muffin balls I thought…hmmm baking soda…one ingredient yet so much ‘lift.’

What have I been forgetting? Gratitude.  Life can get a little flat and dense without the magical ingredient of heartfelt gratitude.  Caught in the minutia, the lift disappears for a while…until something like twelve muffin balls with nuts face me on my kitchen counter and I remember the missing ingredient that brings light-ness.

They tasted okay for that morning, for me.  Good enough for a morning write with a cup of coffee for me, but not good enough to give to my neighbors and co-workers.  But definitely good enough for the crows.  Infact, it will make for a festive crow banana muffin ball crumbles banquet. 

The crows did indeed devour the crumbles in short order.  And one of them, left me a little gift of gratitude.  They do that sometimes.  I recognized and accepted it …with a nod and a smile.

Written December, 2018…amazingly still relevant 7/17/2019! And on and on.

To see with new eyes takes being willing to let go of the sure…and let in the magic of the great mystery. What we can find, when we have the time, is astounding beauty in every direction the eye can see. But to find the connection, takes some redirection outside of the head, which can get stale and dead.

To be Free from Me and step into We, as a dance of all species in this web we are weaving. Letting go of thoughts self deceiving, instead bow the head in a prayer of humility knowing humanity is only one strand in a bigger plan. But as this one strand keeps unravelling, it’s even more important to open wide to all that can Bee.

In the field of flowers, my heart rises with a new song. Knowing death and birth dance together, I am not afraid and know I don’t have to hold on. Hummers remind me there is no wrong direction. The gift is to move with love and connection…humming in harmony with all the beauty around and within me.

I can remember when I was a smoker that it was kind of a thrill to me to be an athlete at the same time.  Triathlons, all kinds of biking, swimming, and yes…smoking.  It was kind of a fist pump of defiance to the ones, you know the ones, that judged smoking.  Or judged drinking, or just judged.  ‘I can smoke and still kick your butt in a qualifier triathlon.’  That’s before I realized I was quite addicted.

By fluke, I happened into advertising sales as my first career, which went part and parcel with social drinking and smoking.  My first boss smoked, I thought it was cool, and what started out here and there ended up a pack a day or more habit where I would dig through my car seat cushions for change when I ran out.  I was kind of a closet smoker around some people.  That’s when a pack of ciggerettes was a few bucks.  Now it is $10.

Knowing you are addicted doesn’t particularly make it easier to stop. Infact, when I would think about trying to stop, I would inevitably up my smoking before trying.  Like a Last Hurrah, sort of thing.  Smoking and drinking…these things go together.  I’m not super proud to share that, but I don’t think I would swap it out.  Because I’ve walked in those shoes.  I enjoyed walking in those shoes for some time.  And I know what it takes to quit.  

What it took for me to QUIT, is to not stop trying to quit.  Yes, ironically, what it took to quit, was to never quit.  Sometimes I’d stop smoking for a few months…then I’d go back.  Sometimes I’d quit for a year, then I’d go back.  It always would sound in my head like, just one ciggarette doesn’t mean I’m going back.  Then I’d be chain smoking.

When my left lung started feeling different than the right, I was done. That was the addiction that was the hardest for me to break so far.  And anyone who has had an addiction that they have tried to transform can attest… it stretches its’ little fingers into all kinds of other pies.  That’s why they have things like HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired as a reminder of what triggers we want to rewire when overcoming an addiction.

Addictions are like 31 flavors ice cream…there are countless things to choose from.  You could be a workaholic and get all kinds of kudos from society and your employer about how efficient and super human you are.  You could be addicted to drinking, or prescription drugs or food, or tv, or gaming…or…or…or.  Some are harmless, some are dangerous.  All are a distraction from those things we do not want to feel, face or be with.

Humility is what is present for me now when I see someone struggling with an addiction.  To struggle only happens when you are trying to change something about yourself.  Huge humility is there for what that takes. Because I have no idea what their life has been and I know that someone really, really has to want it to transform something like alcoholism, or smoking, or drug addiction. But first comes recognizing it is an addiction.  I really wanted it eventually…but I had to be willing to Fail over and over and over, and still try again. 

Or you could reframe it and see it as succeeding temporarily.  But at the time it felt like failure when I would go back because of an upset or for whatever reason.  It took a lot of courage to keep trying to quit. Eventually, I permanently gave up smoking.  

Like any other thing in my life that I really, really want but get really discouraged about,  it takes courage to not quit trying again, and not give up on ourselves.  I see that looking with the eyes of compassion is the way to honor even the little changes.  Because eventually the little changes will lead in a new direction.  So, by cultivating the eyes of compassion and looking from the heart, I can see the beauty in even the tiniest victories, that really there is no small change.  Now remembering to see myself and others with those eyes…that is a bit of magic that is unconditional love and acceptance.

This morning I had some visitors to the Dune. The Dune is the habitat that I live on and I know the hood… the quail, the jack rabbits, the crow, and the occasional coyote visitor. Today though, it was the pack. What amazing fun to watch them!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to get caught in my to dos. You know the to dos…save the planet, bless the ocean, laugh at myself, start over. You may have your own version…sometimes clean the house and pay the bills makes it on my list. Nature is the perpetual teacher…and animal beings the ulitimate play mates. They have a mo betta to do list. See as Follows:

So different seeing the whole family of Coyote because they behave different when they are with their pack. They are totally attuned to what the others are doing. They track where the others are and it is no serious business here…strictly fun and games.

Don’t forget the romp part. Which is happening mid flight as they race around the dune using the plant people as the obstacle course….and certainly not as good a photo but must be included…part of the to dos….

I know it’s tiring, all this fun and games, so this pack tried hard to remind me it’s really okay to rest. You can even look up in the sky and watch the birds fly by. They are a bit too high to eat, sadly.

Then there is the ever present, take care of the pack theme. That is a constant part of the Coyotes dance. Keep a look out for Junior. And watch over everyone. All good to take in, before I take my own trip back home to see human family.

The generosity of the Universe is I can just look out my widow and get all of my guidance from here. And if I have my camera, which I often do, I can even tell stories and share the Coyote dance with others per chance they may smile with me.

Sometimes guidance comes in small, unwrapped packages of four words. Try, Breathe MORE, and Worry LESS. I’ve been a massage therapist for ten years or a bit more and I have realized recently I am barely breathing. Like, how do you go ten years without breathing? Well, maybe I fit right in with all the other billions of people doing shallow breathing.

It’s not that I don’t know about belly breathing. I teach it in workshops. But to have it inhabit your being so you are just breathing deeper through all the little hidden pockets of life stuff. That is a whole different game. And what if everyone around us was doing deeper breathing, that might even lead to a revolution of ease and grace.

Do you think plants and animals forget to breathe? I hear each blade of grass has an angel whispering to it…’grow…grow…laugh and grow’. (Kay, I threw in the laugh part.)

Like many other things in life, sometimes I take for granted the amazing gift of breath. Inner guidance, like the air, is free and ever present, so much generosity to the universe. All there is to do, is to drink it deeply in. If I am listening, if I am paying attention, I always receive support in helping me come back into balance. Part of my job is to share the messages I hear, in case ya’all can benefit even in the tiniest way. May we all come back into balance with ease.

In today’s world of ever present Busy Ness and my own leanings towards lists and check marks it easy to leave off some important stuff…like feeding my heart joy. It is a practice to water the seeds of joy in our inner garden and know that as I feel more fresh, at ease and joyful, I can offer more to others. The old empty versus full cup motto is spot on.

During these challenging times it is even more true. If I want to be a dreamer of a beautiful world where nature is thriving and we feel good and have love present, get in touch with what naturally opens and gladdens the heart. My heart is open with the ocean, but it’s even better with co-pilot at my side. I feel his joy at the ocean and his excitement is fertilizer for my own joy.

The collective energy field is caught in polarity right now and if we are aware of what is going on with other species and members of our own species even just that constant awareness can feel heavy, dense, and urgent. But nature can help me reset my inner compass. When at Asilomar Beach the other day, it was grey, cool and windy but I sat on a log and just followed my breathing and calmed my body. I felt the wind blow through me, and felt cleansed by the wind. Then I sent my heart out to the ocean, waves of love and appreciation going back out to the ocean as the waves of salt water lapped in. It is an energetic dance and being able to be in harmony with nature starts with a conscious intention to do so.

Going a step further in the power of intention, I can set the intention that getting recharged, gladdening my heart, benefits all life. It’s not a selfish act of hiding, it is a wise act of love. Intention is everything, so even holding this thought can ripple through in a beautiful and mysterious way. I had time to be present and connect with nature beings because I gave myself permission to do that…before the ocean get away got on the calendar, there had to be permission.

Permission to refill my cup, to gladden my heart does not equal sticking my head in the sand and denying the issues of the day. Plastics in the ocean, climate change impact on countless species, untruths systematically broadcast in a way that intends to disenfranchise millions of people of color…there’s that. However, worrying about any of that actually sucks energy away from feeding a healthier dream with action and intent. Caring and worrying are not the same thing, and it’s powerful to be able to distinguish between the two.

So instead of worry, I took time to connect with deer. They were the first beings I met on my local get away to the ocean. Simple, healthy living includes time to bond with beings of other species for me. Including trees and clouds and sunlight, ocean spray, rocks and wind. I have to set down my worries for a bit to sit with the magical blessings that are right where I am.

Even the smallest creatures respond to energetic heart connection. There is a reciprocity to it, as well as a curiosity. As an experiment in interspecies communication, after asking to enter the field of energy of a blue bird, I asked him to make himself more visible in the tree. Immediately he fluttered out to branches where I could see him better.

Then to my surprise he flew across the street to be nearer in the tree above my head. Then he came down near my feet…showing me…yes, I hear you. So there are these tiny miracles all along the way of watering the seeds of joy in my own heart, the continuous flow of gifts that come from being present.

It is up to each one of us to know what gladdens our heart, and to real eyes that we are worth receiving that attention. Just like this bird knows what to eat, I knew that this time by the ocean, with no appointments, people or commitments will nourish me in a way that flows back out. If we allow ourselves to listen deeply, we usually know our own best medicine.

I like to walk in nature.  It is my healing balm.  It brings me directly out of my head and all of the consternation that rolls on a hamster wheel up in there, and brings me down to my feet.  I feel the earth, I feel the trees, the breeze and I keep a watchful eye out for all of my outdoor playmates…animals; feathered, furry, burrowing, it really doesn’t matter, I love them all.  Including the slithering kinds.

Humans on the other hand….hmmm.  In recent years off and on I have had sadness and resignation around humans (yes, I know that I am one).  Sometimes disgust and anger.  Sometimes numbness.  It’s a mixed bag.  Since Donald Trump has been president I also feel like I am in some kind of Twighlight Zone episode because it is so surreal the leader of the United States is taking the actions that he is taking.

So, walking the land near my home is my medicine.  The land near my home happens to be a military base that is now Fort Ord National Monument.  It is a testament that transformation is possible and indeed it is happening all of the time.  What was a place for soldiers to shoot weapons and practice to kill other people and prepare for the threat of being killed in Vietnam is now a place for redtail hawks to soar and for mountain bikers to zip through.

We have within us the capacity to make bullets, and bombs, and walls; individually and collectively.  Sometimes, I pick up bullet shells. I picked up a lot of bullet shells off of the land the other day on Fort Ord.  I could easily use that as fodder for any feelings of judging humans but on my most recent walk I was guided ever deeper into my heart, as often happens in nature.

We get habituated to certain paths and certain points of view.  I usually walk the same path and have come to know the trees and where the humming birds are, where the blue birds gather. I know the land, from where I walk. But I am being called to walk in a different way.  To go off the beaten trails and adventure into other landscapes.  And I follow that, as I trust my heart to guide me.

I always enjoy going by this tree.  It’s amazing and it makes me smile.  I have walked by it maybe hundreds of times.  It looks different every time, and yet it is the same.

When I am called off the trail, I trust my intuition to get me back on the trail eventually to find my way back home.  The other day I was led through a meadow back to this tree…from another angle.

It was a little disorienting coming in from a different angle to greet this tree being.  It looked so different and yet it is the same being and I knew it right away.  And I started crying.  It’s a deep teaching from Mother Earth to be able to approach humans, including myself from more than one direction.  And to be able to see from more than one perspective. Nature teaches without words and if our hearts are open the message can penetrate deeply.

So many people are doing good works.  There is a shift in consciousness happening and our collective shadow is coming into the spotlight for all to see.  Whether we care to look or not.  Lynn Twist put it this way, “We are all hospice workers for a dying culture….and we are midwives helping birth a new reality.”Being able to see the beauty and the beast out there and within with eyes of compassion, going deeper than dualistic thinking of us and them…come from being able to see from the eyes of the heart.  And being able to look from more than one perspective.