I used to be a Bufi 

when I was in love with a Sufi

But then I thought no 

maybe I’m a Bahman

After falling for a Shaman,

The Buddist Root said with a toot,

It matters Not Really

As we all

Are everything

Yet empty of separate things

Then I heard the phone ring,

Not really

because they don’t ring

Now what I find feeds me 

is when I Sing

then the Bufi and the Bahman and the

Rumi and the Robin all come through me

In unison.

Sometimes by fluke or happy coincidence our hearts open and we find the walls that we had not realized were there crumbled at our feet.  In such moments the universe smiles and there is the gracious exhale of “thank you, thank you.”  I am still here under all that armor, the child of my heart emerges, fresh, young and unscathed.

Surprised to be released in an instant, she smiles to all around her. The child, the one that stood outside at 11 years old singing at the top of her lungs to the neighborhood a Stevie Wonder song about the keys are black, the keys are white…and we play together in harmony.  The one that was laughed at, and started discounting the power of her voice to heal. The one that watched within the grown-up body with relief as another 11 year old child sang her own song at a recent Whole Hearted Spring concert and over 500 people rose to their feet, their hearts opened, to give her a standing ovation.  

And so, the mantra continues, un armor my heart so I can love without borders, without reasons, without agenda.  It wasn’t a fluke, to feel the spark of heart fire when I went to hear Whole Hearted Chorus concert in Big Sur last winter.  Breaking out of the inertia of introverted couch potato-dom to drive to Big Sur at night was already a break through, but being in Big Sur and hearing the concert itself was an “I’m Home” moment.

So, by spring I was one of the voices sowing seeds of a heart opening. It is a community re-weaving, it is community medicine.  It is counter culture in a society that invests in war, that tolerates continuous war that is with other nations and within.  So, participating in simple songs of heart is actually a radical act of energetic re-wiring of my own heart.  

I didn’t know that to the degree that I do now, until I tried to re-enter into ‘live as usual’ under the radar; WHERE I CAN SEE MY WALLS AGAIN, the armor is resurrected with amazing speed and ease.  Habits are habits, and if we do not see that they are habits, we cannot see we are being run by them and at the same time, are the ones running them.  

Batten down the hatches is just a familiar place for me to be…to survive the next fill in the blank.  Perhaps it’s even written in ancestral dna strands, the batten down the hatches line is one possible way to be.  It’s pretty popular now in our government…batten down the hatches at the border, batten down the hatches on trade, batten the hatches on abortion.  

Yet, it is the opposite of the heart medicine songs that I have just been saturated in.  It’s the opposite of the child’s heart.  The child’s heart is the one that can lead us out of polarity, it can lead us out of our current collective insanity.  But it can only do that if the adult can witness when it is in old habits that no longer serve and can step back, inviting the child to step up.

When I am battening down the hatches for the storm to come there is a tightening, a closing of the door to my heart.  There are storms coming, but they pass.  And I am reminded that my heart work can be done here and now.  And every time I am running for the door to find my people, to find my right place I am missing the opportunity to actually let this be the right place (for now).  Because I’m not really there/here.  I’m plotting my escape from the present moment, rather than embracing it.

I cannot walk away from my own humanity, and I cannot turn my back on humanity.  Sometimes I want to, sometimes I think I can.  Sometimes I want to go to the corner and hang a big ole “do not disturb” sign, or some stronger version of that on the door.  Sometimes the armor makes me feel right, or safe, or protected, or superior.  But it’s just outgrown, and it starting to irritate my skin.   

There’s down time, rejuvenation time, that’s beautiful.  So is finding the part of me that wants to walk away with bag of marbles in hand, and coaxing her back to the game.  Reminding her that it is indeed, a game.  And inviting her to shine her light right here, the time is now. Walking this path with heart, is enough.

I am hyper sensitive to poisen oak. You would think that would have been enough reason not to mess with it, but tree lover that I am, I found myself clearing a bit of the stuff from around a dear tree friend, though to be fair, I was fully covered including gloves. But less than a few days later, the itchy-ness started, but then it went into a full blown case that resembled a right arm that had been through a house fire.

In the beginning stages of the out break, I went along with my daily stuff. I sang in a concert, went to work, carpooled with people down to Big Sur. But all the while I did notice…my arm is actually swelling. Then, my hand, then my wrist. That’s new. And because I am a massage therapist at this time, by trade, that was a bummer. It didn’t actually itch. It was just really, really red and in-flamed. Hmmmm. This is not like anything I’ve had before. It reminds me of an actual burn.

We get used to doing things in a particular way in life, or at least I do. My way, is to work through illness, injury and fatigue. To just keep showing up. My way is to use my arms for my livelihood and particularly, my right arm. But it is more time now to use my write arm to Re Invent things. If we don’t take time to dream, or step back from our auto pilot ways of being, how do we birth something new? Entrance…massive poison oak case.

It got to a point it was not possible to not notice that it would not work to do massage with this arm at this time…even for my little peanut head. I got that would be a berry bad Idea. So miracle of miracle, I called off. Amazing thing, I didn’t die. My internal program that I would some how fall off the planet if I took sick days, turned out to be completely and totally false. And with a little more tlc, and care taking, my arm healed on it’s own, in a fairly short amount of time.

When we don’t give ourselves permission to slow down, to step back, to honor whatever is going on deep inside….life may take the lead and present a situation that brings that about. It might even look like a medical emergency. What if I could learn to use my left arm? What if I could trust the universe has my back and whether I do massage for a living or not, I will continue to live. When both arms are working well…I’m on the tread mill. When one is not, I get to grieve the loss of my mother. I get to go to a concert rehearsal and concert. I get to challenge my internal programming of Scare City that would have me want to work through anything and everything. I get to collapse for a day and wonder where all my energy went.

I guess it’s kind of normal to go with what you know how to do…go with your strengths, your ‘right arm’. If we take a look at what is happening on and to the planet though…the ‘right arm’ is not working that great. If we can’t hear and honor our own bodies and give our own bodies what they need, how can we hear the Earth? Or, if we can hear what our own bodies need and give our own bodies what it is calling for, maybe we can do the same for the Earth.

I don’t know how to input photos to this blog from my phone…the photos of my real right arm when it was red hot, swollen and angry…I’m not letting that stop me from writing this post. I will learn to use my left arm as I put more intention on that, just like when I put more intention/attention on helping my right arm heal…it actually did quickly. Even though it looked like I should see a doctor.

The earth is letting us know…we cannot live without her. For some, this is happening in a way that it is not possible not to notice. For others, it’s still easy at this stage to ignore. Life has a way of getting our attention when we need a course change. It’s up to us to recognize that…and have the courage to do things in a different way. Even if it is awkward or scary at first. Even if we don’t know how it will turn out. I want to live in ease and harmony, honoring my knowing of what time it is on the planet and how important it is that we have a collective awakening right now. Or left now. That starts of course, with me. Interruption to the right arm routine, helps me remember that, and invites me to learn to dance with the left.

I was filling my car up with gas when I noticed this tiny movement on the ground by the pump. It was a caterpillar. I lifted her up and looked at her. “This is no place for you,” I said as I put her on my arm and drove home. She seemed content to explore, wandering all over my jacket…crawling up in one steady line.

As we were driving, I was trying to figure out what to do. Clearly a cement laden gas station is not a place for a caterpillar to thrive. But I am not a caterpillar whisperer and did not know where she could thrive. It’s my auto nature to care take animals of every kind, including this creepy crawler, beauty that she is.

As I got on the computer to research caterpillar care, she slowly explored my writing space. I set water out in a little lid however she seemed uninterested. But she was not unaware, it was amazing to see how her whole body would extend in yoga like poses in a certain direction while her antennae would collect information. It was all exploration for her…with no particular destination in sight. I even set out leafy branches…she crawled on and off them.

The thought of adopting this caterpillar for a time passed through as I saw on the internet little aquariums with instructions on how to look after caterpillar. That would make the ‘savior’ in me happy, but I’m not sure it would make the caterpillar happy. After all, although the caterpillar was at the same gas station, she did not ask to be saved. She was just a fellow companion on the path for a brief time. One to admire and love for a second or two.

It’s interesting how we covet butterflies but disregard caterpillars. Or I should say, I connect non stop with butterflies but this is the first encounter of this nature I’ve had with a caterpillar. As far as I could tell, caterpillar was not striving to become butterfly. It was just being it’s caterpillar self. And as I was able to spend time with her, I saw a lot of beauty in that form.

Transformation comes when it does if the conditions are sufficient for it to occur. In the end, I did not adopt caterpillar and try to follow her in my cozy house that is warmer than outside. I trust nature. I’ve connected with countless butterflies in Fort Ord. So I drove caterpillar over to where her kind have found sufficient conditions to morph from this beautiful caterpillar self into butterfly self.

In just the few minutes that I bonded with her, I learned from her about the nature of being Yourself. Yes, I want to see her survive and grow onto the next stage of her being. But I can see the beauty in this moment, her beauty in this moment. What if we could hold that kind of gentle honoring and accepting of ourselves and others as we ‘explore’ and wander for a bit in our own caterpillar form? Without judgement. If we can do that for ourselves and others, maybe it could even ripple out to our own species…in it’s own caterpillar form. What beauty is there right now, as is?

I’m a writer, I have journaled daily for decades, started writing when I was little. I’ve wanted to touch, move and inspire people through my writing in ways that people can take and use for transformation in their own lives. But rarely has my writing moved out of the journal and into the world.

Through the generousity of a fellow writing sister and friend, I started this blog. Because she showed me how. Caterpillar was hanging out on my notebook….first on top of it, then on the other side of it, crawling this way and that. Then on my computer. I think this blog has maybe two or three readers occasionally. My writing is in caterpillar form right now. What a joy to write now just to write now and share my love of all the creatures and earth through writing and photography. Rather than striving after butterfly-dom. It’s wonderful to honor what is here in the present moment, and this beautiful, furry, creepy crawler was my master teacher in that. There are no mistakes in nature, nature has wisdom far-far beyond my mind, and within that wisdom is honoring our current form and trusting the timing of the transition to the next form. Thank you caterpillar for your beauty, may you thrive in Fort Ord in your caterpillar self and beyond!

Do you ever notice that when you are traveling through your normal day to your normal places that your body may be on auto pilot getting you there while your mind is on free range scanning…looking at what is going on next on your perpetual to do list, or ‘thinking’ about this or that?

It could be you are in your car or it could be walking in the hallway of your house or work. If your mind is like mine, it never goes on vacation. It is ever ready to spin in and whisk me away from the present moment. It takes a little something to ‘be here now’.

Walking a trail in nature is always an invitation into the beauty of the here and now. But going a step further, try a trail you have never been on. My brother and I ventured out into new territory together this week and had the amazing experience of seeing beauty rolling out in all directions. We wandered around on a loop that we were told about, enjoying every moment of it. We had no previous experience on the trail so we didn’t know when or what was next. My brother and I both can be a little directionally challenged so I was definitely paying attention to earthy landmarks.

Somewhere along the way in ‘devil may care’ adventure spirit, we tried a different trail. And without knowing when or how, we did get lost. So now, not only do we have the invitation of the beauty around us calling us into the present moment; now we have, ‘we’ve been hiking two and half hours for a two hour hike and have absolutely no clue how to get out’.

In times like these, auto pilot and having a wandering mind that is off in some other land ceases. We went back and forth, literally back and forth on a trail, and in conversation back and forth about which direction to take. My intuition countered his rationale and map reading. Eventually I did think the thought, “I wish I had noticed which way the river was flowing.” That thought came out of my mouth. And the map oriented big bro went to town with that one and convinced me to try it his direction.

I was continually looking for my earthy landmarks. Those included particular trees I noticed and piles of horse shit because we passed a horse and rider. I took note of our surroundings coming in, we were behind people’s homes, there were piles of horse dung in the road. I noticed as a way to be able to back track. Thing is, we were not back tracking. We were on some other path taking a different way out. Full circle to the dwelling in the present moment theme.

My dear friend Turkey Vulture did show up as we were nearing the way back out ‘to civilization’ after more than four hours of wandering. Not just one turkey vulture but three. So, I exhaled a sigh of relief then. Not before then. One of my friends and guides is Turkey Vulture. Dwelling in the present moment is only half of the medicine, the other half is enjoying and trusting the journey even when it takes an unexpected turn. Or two. We still made it out, a different way. And also enjoying the company…

Learning walking meditation from a man in a brown robe and lots of monks and nuns at his side was a beautiful thing. But another thing that community teaches is not to get caught in your notions. Thich Nhat Hanh is my root teacher and he is a Zen master (monk) who is way ahead of his time in terms of inclusiveness. In Vietnam when we were participating in ceremonies to transform the suffering of war he advocated for the women (nuns) to be side by side with the men, rather than behind them. An act that defies historical monastic tradition.

I love facilitating small groups and sharing tools I feel may benefit people, so I was over joyed when offered the opportunity to lead an earth day ritual at my work place. Earth Guardianship is one of my life passions. Transmitting how to walk on the earth as if you are kissing the earth with your feet is my happy place. However, as the day got closer, I started scoping the details of how this would look. Like really basic details, like are people wearing clothes when they are learning mindful walking? Are they walking in a private setting?

I work as a massage therapist at a resort and I don’t go to the gardens much. First realization was no you don’t want to take clients through the laundry and employee areas to get to the garden. Next realization was, if you are not taking them past the laundry then you are taking them through a restaurant patio where people are dining.

That would be okay, I guess…if they were wearing clothes. But, as things got closer and I realized there are no alternatives to getting to the garden from going through the patio dining area, I just gave up the concern. Maybe nobody will come, I thought. Or maybe one dressed person will come. Or who cares, anyways…go with the flow.

I went with option c…go with the flow. That is an act of courageous heart to be willing to stand in a spa lobby with a group of strangers, ring a bell and introduce mindful walking to four robed ladies, two in bikinis. I invited them to follow in slow walking through a restaurant of people dining outside, as if it is the most natural thing to do. They did great. We arrived at the garden where an earth alter awaited and the whole ritual went very smoothly. We did more walking in the gardens and then they found their own spots to do their own writing about the magic and beauty of the earth and her gifts.

When I think of robes and meditation, I think of monastics because I have spent a lot of time with monastics in Plum Village. But I work at a four star resort now. And “robes” means what you put on before you get your massage or go in the hot tub. So, part of getting out of the way was to give up the idea that there’s something pretty bizarre about walking mindfully in your bikini and robe through a restaurant patio full of people down to the garden.

Getting out of the way let me hear twenty year old women tell me how they appreciate hot water to take a shower and how having water helps things grow and live. It allowed me to hear an older woman say how she is going to speak up against pesticides to more and more people. It allowed me to hear how thankful a family of women were to spend the day together and actually recognize and honor earth day as a family…and that they want to come back next year.

Sometimes our minds think they know how things should look. My mind is still grocking moving from walking slowly on a mountainside with monastics and lay practitioners to walking through a restaurant patio with robed massage clients. In the end, waking up to the present moment is waking up to the present moment whether it is at a resort or a monastary. And having experienced both, I have to say that moving from robes to robes is quite the adventure in getting out of the way and allowing things to flow how they are in the present moment.

When I was little my mother and I used to sing together.  It was one of the pockets of joy hidden in the closet of memories that could easily be forgotten.  It was not long lasting but it planted a seed.  During a singing retreat this past weekend that seed rose to the surface.  

“Sing, sing a song, sing it loud, sing it strong.  Don’t worry if it’s not good enough for anyone else but you….Just sing….sing your song.”  I can see my mom right now sitting next to me singing and smiling.  Encouraging me to sing my heart out with her.

It was during that period of childhood when I thought I had magical powers.  I could make mom happy by taking away her pain, I could make there be family harmony and joy by offering candy and soda pop.  I thought if there was something wrong, it was probably me, so it’s on me to fix it.  Of course, we do have magical powers but as adults sometimes we forget that.  

There’s a lot going on in the world today, and I still think/feel it’s on me to fix it sometimes.  But other times I know it’s just to breathe, be with others in beauty and raise our collective voices in joy.  Or be in nature alone and sing out my love songs to all of the nature beings with gratitude.

Water the seeds of joy and that is what will grow in your garden.  It’s a bit bittersweet this memory of singing with my mom, because she died recently.  Less than a year ago.  But I still see her in me, the desire for quiet, solitude and cups of tea.  

The love of fluttering butterfly wings and the infatuation with words, spirit and weaving colorful fabric together…hers was yarn, mine is energy strands.  I can feel her still in me, singing with me…reminding me to sing your song!

Somewhere early on my voice as a magical child that can heal through a loving song got stomped.  But it’s never too late to come back and reclaim it.  Not from the adult alone but as the adult singing in unison with that magical child that knows she can cast spells of harmony and love.  I knew that to my core as a child.  That I could sing my love of life out and life would listen, life would feel loved by my voice.

I am coming back to that knowing.  It is not about hitting the right notes.  It is not about being in the right pitch, though those things would be nice to my adult self.  It’s about singing love out into the ethers and letting go.  It’s about singing home those parts of myself I have abandoned long ago and giving them a place to land in my heart.

We have been trained in this culture to be consumers.  We have been trained to believe that singers are people on the radio. But we can reclaim the earlier knowing that we all are singers if we are able and willing to lift our voices, alone or together and sing.

As a way of honoring the beautiful heart tribe that I have just recently discovered, I extend an invitation to attend and participate with the Wholehearted Community Chorus directed by Lisa Littlebird, at our upcoming concerts. Below find the links to both concerts. If you sadly have to miss the concert but want to participate with the miracle grow of heart opening lyrics and music you can purchase a copy of the cd after the concert. The last place I expected to find myself is in a choir group, but I follow the energy, and I know great heart ju ju when I feel it. You will too. Pacific Grove concert is the hotpick in the calendar for the Monterey weekly.

• Big Sur Concert Flyer
• PG Concert Poster

Have you ever wondered if the Butterfly got embarrassed by it’s past being a lowly caterpillar? Hmmm. Let us Rumi nate on that one.

Can you imagine the butterfly with a backpack on it’s wings packed with a various assortment of regrets of it’s slow moving, earth bound, multi legged existence of eating voraciously and feeling like it’s dying? Or do you think maybe caterpillar and butterfly are friends? Like maybe butterfly whispers sweetly in caterpillar dreams of a wild and colorful life in a whole other dimension? And groggy caterpillar upon waking up from a caterpillar dream ponders, I think I’ve seen that creature before, I think I know her.

Oh, but to have time to Rumi nate on the greater questions of life, love, death and transformation. If the door to my heart is open, the mystery can step through. And the mystics and lovers of previous and future times can nudge me in my dreams to sing sweetly of a time when more of us are awakened and dancing in harmony with all of life.

Let us not grieve our collective imperfections or individual misconnections but instead celebrate the concert of life. Lay down the baggage of the past and lift your unhindered wings into the sunlight of awareness. Sip the nectar of beauty in the here and now, knowing that is all we have.

Photo taken at Dominican Republic Whale Sanctuary, March 2019

The Great Migration…some of us know it is time, and we are starting to migrate.  Others will hear it later and they will follow.  A collective migration of mass consciousness can start with just a handful. How do the whales know to change their migratory patterns for the conditions have changed and now it’s necessary to give up their old familiar ocean pathways?  How do any species know to shift their collective ways to have a chance to continue their survival?  They are tapped into their very own special GPS system of benevolent universal guidance, or their innernet.  They all have wireless no matter where they go.  And now it’s time for us to reclaim our own DNA GPS and start our own migration from head to heart.

The mind has gotten us a lot of great accomplishments.  The mind has created microwave popcorn and washing machines, and light when it is dark outside.  The mind has come up with all kinds of magnificent gadgets to entertain us and distract us.  

But the mind cannot get us out of where we are now as a species on this planet.  The mind can only loop in familiar patterns of cultural conditioning which is more is better, fear the other, and protect what is yours.  I fall into that.  Then when I see it, I pull back out of that.  And then I fall back into it, then I pull back out of it.  And, so it goes.  It’s kind of like the cartoon of the person who falls in a hole over and over and then makes a change to their route and voila…no fall.

The great migration is movement from trusting the adult rational mind that feels like it must be in control of all things at all times and diving deep into the heart.  Preferably the child’s heart.  Your own child’s heart, the one that may have been left behind in the sand box all those many years ago.  It’s the child that knows how to love without boundaries, it’s the child that knows how to invent games with the gift of imagination, and it’s the child that can tap into our birthright of knowing from within.  Some of us lose that or misplace it as we get older and begin the habit of second guessing. But habits can be transformed. Just like paths can be altered.  And it’s time to do both.

Back to the migration.  I’m smart…but it is not my smarts that is going to take me through the years to come. It is my heart.  So, I’m starting NOW to train myself to be aware of what it feels like to be stuck in my head on eternal loop about some kind of problem, challenge, adventure, etc opposed to what it feels like to bring my attention down to the center of my chest and focus my love in some direction.

Physically, what does it feel like to be in the vibration of fear or anger…just notice it without judgement but have a level of awareness to be able to not be trapped in it.  It takes a strong witness presence to be able to ‘see’ your own emotions, even after they have passed.  It takes persistence to see your own circuitry. Notice what it feels like to rest in surrender, accepting what is as it is.  It is a practice to direct my presence from one part of my body to another, from up in my head to down in my chest.  But, at least for me, it’s time.

If we stay stuck in our heads collectively, there is little chance of a good outcome.  If I stay stuck in my headindividually, same deal.  People know when I am in my heart and when I am not.  The ripple effect on other species if we can move from our heads to our hearts is vast.  Big changes are coming.  Many of us are well aware of this, although we may not be aware of how it will manifest.  

Big changes are not coming, my mistake, they are already here.  Animals have already adjusted as best they can to the conditions they now have.  They are changing their migration patterns.  

Humpback whale with baby calf…whale sanctuary

I am following their lead.  Like Whale, who sings through the vibration of love to other whales showing the way to move through the waters that are known and the waters that are unknown, I trust my heart to guide my way. If and when I fall away from that, I trust myself to get back on track.  But it is a collective shift, a great migration that is called for.  One heart at a time.   A classmate of mine who received these photos from a fellow retreatant at the Whale Sanctuary in March, swam with these amazing beings. She said her heart exploded with love and every cell was transformed.  Imagine…if we could all learn the language of love that connects all beings.

Writing my own job description will be part of my job for the rest of my life. How cool is that? Creative living, intuitive loving, natural reciprocity brimming.

I am listening to the earth and it is part of my job to do so. I love that. Other species naturally can communicate with each other and also listen to the earth. That’s why many leave an area before a major event like an earth quake or Tsunami strikes. Humans are the ones, at least many of us, who have forgotten the language of life. But all we have to do is to unplug and step outside to reawaken. Nature is not ‘out there’, it is in here, we are nature and nature is us.

Lend a listening ear, I am right here dear. Do not despair. Rest in my arms. Let the breeze blow through. Releasing what is time to release into the blessing of wind.

Learn the ways of solidity from tree. The ways of stretching roots deep into the soil and stretching branches up high into the sun. How long can you stay in one place? Join me in cultivating your stability, tree says silently.

Everyday Magic depends on everyday contact with nature beings. I try and connect with a new species whenever I can, and pay attention to learn their song. Sometimes I know they have been there all along, but have only become visible to me now. Everyday magic is kind of like that…it’s there all along. It may just be making itself visible to us now. Paying attention will help it continue to be visible.

The invitation is to learn new songs, and to sing along. I ask for these beings to help me learn their language and I listen with my whole body. Trick for me is to include my own and other’s humanity, to include my own species in the dance of deep listening. Because everyday magic is like nature, it’s all inclusive and open hearted. It reminds me to open the doors to my heart every time I walk in beauty.