Reweaving the dream starts with self-forgiveness and humility.  We have deep seeded patterns within ourselves that take conscious, consistent effort to transform.  I have the seeds of greed, fear and anger within me.  I also have seeds of courage, love and strength. We all have all of it.

I have ways of seeing that have been handed down from previous generations and from the culture we live within.  That’s not taking a pass on personal responsibility, it’s just acknowledging the water we swim in is a collection of drops from many sources. Then it is up to us what we do with it, but seeing it is one of the first steps.

Weaving a loving web of light is a daily practice and part of that is recognizing and embracing the strands that are not loving or bright with the eyes of compassion.  When we can cultivate a way of seeing ourselves more gently, our hearts will also open to others.  

I see within me the tendency to distrust.  And that has come down from my blood ancestors.  I see it more clearly now, in them and in myself. Shining the light of awareness is part of transformation, even if it is not pleasant.  Owning (acknowledging to ourselves) shadow states is never an appetizing adventure, it can be a work of art not for the faint of heart.  And I am always willing to do it. 

The desire to be separate is strong too, and that is also a reflection of our current culture.  The trance of separation, the dance of fear and greed.  It’s not personal, it’s cultural and I’m caught up in it too….often. So, it takes courage to name it and see it through the eyes of compassion, rather than self-hatred or denial.

We are nature, and nature is us.  We can learn from nature beings.  Spiders have this incredible ability to spin orbs of silk from within their bodies to the outside.  We are also spinning from within our heart/minds to the outside world our dreams into material manifestation.  There is no waste in nature.  If Spider needs to re weave the web or repair the web, it can consume its’ old weband be nourished by it.  Some spiders re weave a web daily.  A task that takes energy as the silk strands emanating out are high in protein.  And it gives energy for it is how they catch their food.  If they don’t catch food, they can be nourished by eating their own web.

I can see my ancestors with more compassion now.  Those states of being that I did not understand, that were difficult to accept, difficult to be around.  The ones that our culture labels and kicks to the side and puts the heavy weight of stigma upon.  Because I can see my ancestors with more compassion, I can also see myself with more compassion.  I am my ancestors and my ancestors are me.

There is always the ability to reweave the web with love over and over and over.  Just like there is always the ability to Re Imagine the Dream over and over and over. If I see what I have been weaving/dreaming is not what serves myself or others, I can consume itand start fresh with a focused heart.  

Looping patterns that match energetic circuitry of an out-dated program which hijack joy can be upgraded.  Just like a spider’s web can naturally be eaten and that energy used to re-weave with fresh silky threads a new beautiful web.  That web can benefit many beings in this dimension and beyond.

Bon Appetit, and happy weaving!  

My Waves Rolling 
In
One after another
White Froth
Mist and Crash
Dangerous and Dark
Light and Calm
Wet and Wild...

Dear Ocean
We See you
We Celebrate you
We Sing to you
We honor you
and we love you...

If we start paying attention to the path that we are walking we will be inspired to find magic and beauty in every step. And we are never, ever walking alone.

And as we walk the path over and over those beings around us may take note, and if they find we are open hearted, they can feel it. Even the smallest of fluttering beings can send their love songs to and through the air we breathe. Or the grass we walk through…and they feel the connection we make together.

To have time to look up and hear the ones riding the wind with ease…they know when we notice them. And they come more often. I treat them as guides, guardians and friends.

To have time to look down and actually feel the earth beneath my feet. To know it is so uneven because countless beings live within the soil beneath my feet. I may not know them yet, but I am aware that they are there.

We share this earth with so many other species, so many beings. At first they may start out as interesting creatures to see…they slowly or quickly can grow into companions and eventually…friends on the path. And we all know that taking the journey with friends is so much more colorful, joyful, and loving. We also know the more we listen, and pay attention from our hearts…the deeper the connection goes. Walk in beauty, and let love flow.

• 

Imagine, if you will, you have just gotten yourself a new hat. It’s not just any hat, it is a super styling Carrot Head hat.  So, up from the hat part comes a lever to hang a nice orange crunchy carrot just out there a few feet beyond your eyes.   Think of the extensions used for taking selfies (not that I have one but for visuals sake).  So, when you put your styling Carrot Head Hat on, you see the carrot out in the not so far distance just waiting for you to snatch it up.

But every time you take a step forward the carrot also takes a step forward because it is attached to the contraption on your head.  Nice!  Okay, so now that we have the visuals in place let’s look at life, daily life and our carrot culture.

Goals are good, not knocking goals.  But sometimes we do not realize that we have installed a semi-permanent carrot head hat on our own heads and are suspending enjoying the now until this, that, or the other feels more under control.  Or I have achieved this or that, or solved this or that. Or have gotten more training, more degrees, more boyfriends, girlfriends, pets, children, jobs, projects complete, causes supported, you get the idea. 

Then I can allow things to just be, after that next achievement ‘earns me the right’ to allow things to be as they are.  When I’m a better human, or they are, or we are.  Sound a little crazy?  Well, I am… maybe we all are a little crazy.  It’s kind of like wanting to take the next bite before the current bite has been chewed and swallowed.  It’s like the cultural paradigm of just out thereis satisfaction, ability to make a difference, happiness, etc.  Just around the next bend, when I can check this or that off my list, that will be the gateway to Nirvana.  

Hmmm, when that next thing is achieved, do you notice that just like magic, another thing pops up as all important to handle?  The carrot is still dangling out there.

Coming back to the in breath and the out breath.  Watching with some amusement the machinery of monkey mind wanting to fix what appears broken or improve what appears lacking.  Watching the machinery, like Dorothy watched in shock as the very human Man Behind the Curtain shouts out commands in an Oz like voice. Trying to run the program as Oz when Dorothy has discovered you are just a dude from the Midwest like she is…changes the game.

We are the woman behind the curtain and we are Dorothy searching outside of ourselves for that which is already a part of ourselves…you know Courage, Heart and Smarts.  The carrot is a representation of whatever we have the habit energy of chasing without realizing we are chasing something to distract us from being here and now. Knowing that we already are enough and most of us reading this, also already have enough is a truth right here waiting to be embraced.  It’s a truth to take our time chewing, and swallowing before pursuing other insights. It’s the anti-dote to chasing and it goes against our current cultural programming.  

You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.  You don’t have to be a millionaire to have enough.  And you don’t have to be Mother Theresa to be making a positive difference in other people’s lives.  I tip my Carrot Head hat to you…carrots are good in the crock pot of yummy delicious food to be savored.  Bon Appetit!

Even if your wings are feeling tattered…there’s still joy in flying. This brown butterfly found me and hung very close to me. Then landed and stayed still for quite some time.

My mother loves butterflies and whenever I see one I think of her. So I’ve been thinking of her often. And this one…showed me beauty and joy even with one wing visibly ragged.

The dance goes on, even when we are not feeling our best and maybe that is the test. But remember the magic of what is right here now…like this brown butterfly whispering to my brown dog sweet murmers of spring love…

More butterflies joined in the dance but by that time the mother magic was so strong I was tearing. Spring tears to water the flowers of our deepest heart dreams.

Blessing the beauty of every day.

Giving thanks for every drop of water…

Are you plugged in or running on empty? When we remember that there are so many beings there available to share the journey and cheer us on, we know to invite them in and welcome their assistance.

The earth is there, beneath our feet, solid and true. The sky so vast above us, the trees feeding our every breath. The rain brings water so we and so many others can drink. Giving thanks to Water, Fire, Air, Earth; elements we often don’t realize are our allies if we choose. Without them life is not possible.

Sometimes I forget to call in my loved ones to the party of life. You know, my loved ones that I know about and the ones I don’t know. Land ancestors can be allies. Those who lived on this earth in your area before you arrived. The ones who knew how to honor the earth and live in harmony. You can call them in.

Blood ancestors, those loved ones that have transitioned can be your allies, and you can be theirs. As I transform, I benefit my blood ancestors and they can help me along the path. My mother is in every cell of my body, she is in my dna and when I walk, she walks within me. Making that a conscious act is much more beautiful and love amplifies.

Spiritual ancestors are their too. Our spiritual teachers. Ones that you know, ones you have not ever met. You can invite them in. Making ourselves a vessel for good we invite everyone to work with and through us. We focus on honoring and growing those connections.

I have much more practice connecting with the earth but now I am bringing in a greater awareness of ancestors and honoring ancestors. I realize it’s time to deepen my connection and awareness of the ancestors that can work with and through me. It’s time for all hands on deck. It’s newer to me than connecting with earth, animals, ocean…but it’s time.

One of my spiritual ancestors is Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. Sister Chan Kong, the nun at his side all these years is also one. She shares that when she was doing so much work during the Vietnam war to help others she never got tired and everyone would ask her how she could do it. “I eat the energy of my ancestors…” she replied. Every day she connected into her spiritual, land, and blood ancestors. And she is a part of a thriving, dedicated spiritual community.

We all have the capacity to help build the boat of community. We all have the capacity to plug in to a vast amount of energy outside of our individual selves and outside of time and space. Like a lot of other things in life, it’s a matter of conscious choice and building the habit. First is asking the question…and inspecting for ourselves, “Am I Plugged IN?”

A teenager cared enough to show up for a town hall meeting in Kentucky to listen to Republican Doug Wagner who was running for Governor.  She also had some questions for him.  Like did his stance about climate change have anything to do with the $200,000 that he has taken in donation money from the Fossil Fuel industry.  After thanking her for being there, he told her she was young and naïve and got the Republican room to laugh a dismissive laugh.  https://www.ydr.com/story/news/2018/07/20/pa-governor-election-race-republican-scott-wagner-climate-change-young-naive-comment-lost-voters/807181002/  (Snippet from Town Hall)

On the other side of the country, a group of young children cared enough about their future to go to see California Democratic Senator Feinstein with a letter in hand calling for bold action on climate change and for her to sign on to the Green New Deal.  They were accompanied by elders…teenagers.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EfHOAZg3xc(link to full Feinstein/kids video)

Apparently, Senator Feinstein is a grandmother, but her ability to listen to children was visibly stretched.  Urgency is not in the language of most of the current political figures and nor is it in her listening.  “I know” came through on the throne of thirty years in office while teenagers quietly said, “we don’t have time to do it that way.”

In December 2018 Greta Thunton, also a quiet and introverted looking teenager from Sweden, was sitting in the cold outside the COP24 annual UN climate change Conference in Katowice, Poland, demanding to be heard.  By some act of Universal Benevolence she was allowed three minutes or so at the microphone in a room of adults.  It doesn’t take a lot of time to speak truth, and when it is heard even by adults, it can penetrate through the walls of complacency.  The beautiful thing to me is that the adults from the United Nations conference took this young Elder’s message composed a video of climate change consequences, acknowledged the ripple effect of her words on other youth stepping up and put a call to action out to millions of people.  People like me, an adult who has been far too complacent, got to see it and share it. 
https://www.facebook.com/dailygoalcast/videos/317250348869151/UzpfSTEwMjEzNjkyNzM6MTAyMTY2NTczMDAyMzc4Njc/

When the children on the planet are taking on the role of the elders because of a gap in leadership and urgency, the least we can do as adults is to empower them by listening to them and believing, yes, they do have more at stake and they do deserve to be heard.  It’s not about shaming the status quo, it’s not about blaming, it’s about realizing this isn’t working and it hasn’t been and step up.

The earth has her own voice of course and she can/will get louder. The old will fall away in time and the children will become the new servants and leaders.  In the meantime, I am an adult that feels inspired and moved by our planet’s kids.  

They are the reverse role models.  Usually we want to be the role models for children to follow, but right now in our culture I am finding beauty, truth, and courage in the children. And yes, I can take more action.

Where are we sitting on the throne of “I know” this can’t work?  I’ve been around and I know what is possible and what is not?  Where are we not able to hear because of fear or entrenched ways of being?  

The politicians, as Senator Feinstein pointed out, got voted into office. So, they reflect us and our collective complacency and not wanting to interrupt the traditional roles and ways of doing business. 

In reweaving the dream, the children are honored, their voices heard and their wisdom valued.  Some children are caught in electronic distractions.  Not all children are wisdom keepers and earth guardians but all children deserve to be safe, loved, heard and honored.

I was standing infront of a microwave at work years ago.  One of my co-workers joked, ‘you’re getting zapped.’ I asked her why we are so concerned about the microwave but not about Climate Change.  I never hear it mentioned at work.  She said because we can do something about the microwave.  I was stagnant and silent in response to that comment, even though I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of passion, a lot of love of the earth.

Even in those kinds of conversations we can dare to be bold.  I could have said a million things.  Like, we can eat less meat, we can contact our politicians, we can travel less by air, we can use solar, we can empower children that have a right to a beautiful earth and future.  I am not an activist in the street but I have a voice, I can use it here and now.  

Our challenge is to dream a new dream, my role is energetic re-wiring. And Beneath the issue of Climate Change is some of us have completely forgotten that all things come from the earth.  The earth is a living being with consciousness.  She has supported and nurtured countless species over millions of years.  We have become distracted and disconnected but these children are in action speaking truth to power. What we do to the earth, we do to ourselves and future generations of all species. And yes, one person can make a difference. Thank you, dear children, for touching my heart and watering the seeds of courage within me.  

Find what brings joy and do lots of that. Even if it doesn’t make you rich. Even if no one sees it or knows where you are or what you are doing or why. Find the mana…life force that can come beaming out of every pore of your being and forget the excuses of how you don’t have time or energy for that.

Because making time and energy to do that is what turns your full power on. You know it when you feel it, you could do it all day for no pay. You lose your sense of time, lose all the projects that are on circular loop in your head and the love that is generated is a service to all. Even trees and birds and bees and definitely humanees too will benefit from You.

Sometimes we feel we have to be productive in some way every second of every day. And maybe you feel like you need to take care of others, or your to do list, or your volunteering, or your family, or your cats…but trust me…all of that happens with a lot more ease and grace with a happy, fully charged up and radiant…you.

1/29/2019

I, like many of us, have my opinions.  I can collect data in the real and visible world to validate my opinions and sometimes I mistake my opinions as facts.  Then I operate in my world like I know what the reality is although what I sometimes fail to realize is, I just know what my opinions and filters show me.

For example, my parents divorced when I was eight years old.  They were able to transform years of resentment and hold out an olive branch to each other decades ago after participating in some workshops with Landmark Education.  They were able to empty their hearts of grudges, anger and wounds to open to forgiveness. That sent a healing vibe through our family and they carried on a friendship of sorts from opposite sides of the country up until the end of my mother’s life, which was last July.

Yet, a few years before my mom died, when my father asked me, “Do you think your mother may want to be buried here?” here being in Grand Junction, Colorado where my mom had not been for well over fifty years and didn’t particularly like, my eye brow went up to my hair line. I thought, “Is he serious?” He was. He asked me to ask her that. ‘Uhmmmm, no.’  No, I really DON’T think she would have any interest in being buried in Colorado next to you and your current wife and No I won’t ask.  I didn’t say it particularly like that, but what I knew was, ‘Hell No!’

This was over a year before my mom actually passed.  Pay attention to the miracles along the way in this story. So, as skillfully as I could, I asked him to ask her this question himself.  I am not the messenger even though I felt I certainly knew her answer would be no.

Astonishingly enough, my dad called me about a week or so later and told me that my mom said, yes, she would like to be buried there.  What?  My reality shifted a bit.  But this was a generosity move, my dad…the planner ahead of all details great and small was trying to Pre-Pay for all the costs of my mom’s funeral expenses.  He has more means than her and it was his impulse to take care of this well in advance.  Which he did, all the way through. 

Next call with my dad (nearly two years ago) he asked, “Do you think she would want the name ‘Nelson’ on the headstone?”  Long pause on my end of the phone….what the?… ‘Uhmm….’  So, her name is Bennett, she changed her name after the divorce, a million years ago back to Bennett.  No, I don’t think so.  However, I am aware, just because I don’t think so doesn’t mean I’m right.  “I think you should ask her that yourself.” (I’m an adult now I can redirect people to communicate with each other rather than be in the middle.)

“No, she didn’t want the name Nelson,” my dad reported back later. Okay, I’m one for two in this whole death plan prediction game.  My dad has been a bit obsessed with dotting the I’s and crossing the t’s for any death related matter.  And this is two years before my mom actually crossed over and one year after his current wife died.  I’m thinking at the time he’s nuts.

I’m also thinking she’s a little bit nuts.  I realize I am not sure about anything in the world any more if my mom agreed to be buried in a cemetery in Grand Junction by my dad’s wife. The world suddenly became a whole lot less predictable.

I did double check by the way.  And it was true, she did say that’s what she wants.  What else did she want, to be wanted of course.  To have someone care about that.  They did have five kids together…and he did care about that.

The other thing about my family of origin, dad’s voice was the one that carried the day.  His decisions ran the show.  Sometimes her voice was kind of not heard.  That’s my perception from being little.

So, when I actually flew in to Grand Junction, Colorado and was there with my dad and brother for her memorial I noticed the headstone I saw said ‘Nelson’.  I had been sobbing, but when I noticed that there was this flicker of anger.  I saw it inside of myself rise up like a hook. Like, ‘he didn’t listen, he didn’t honor her request to keep her name Bennett.’  Then I told myself, “Let it go.”

I walked over and sat at the base of a huge tree to get grounded, to come all the way into my body and the present moment.  I just sat there and let the earth and the tree stabilize me and ground me.  Then as I looked up from there I saw the name on the headstone, the other side of the headstone that I thought was hers, it said Marianne Nelson.  The name of his first wife.  I was looking in the wrong place.  I had not been told, but the cemetery was out of plots for the headstones.  My mom had a plaque instead on the ground in marble, in front of that headstone.

I felt my wrong perceptions fall away into the earth.  My dad had honored my mom’s wishes after all.  He had kept the name she wanted.  He had carried it all the way through in this amazing, twisty-turny adventure of coming together to celebrate my mother in the least likely place I thought we could possibly be.  He even ordered the massive bouquet of flowers that was placed on the plaque.

It was like a final act of reconciliation.  ‘I heard you, I dared to ask you, I heard you and I honored your wishes.’  And it was also such a humbling message for me in letting go of the past.  My dad is not the man he was when they were married, my mom was not the same either.  Nor will I ever be the same, for with humility I realize I want to ask myself, ‘Are you sure?’ a little more often.