Imagine Your Desire

*“I imagine 6 impossible things before breakfast.”*

If you could paint your best dream on a canvass what colors would you choose? If you were to put onto that canvass your most beloved people, who would they be? If you were to work together with community what projects would light the fire of passion, commitment and joy? What are you waiting for? The time is now.

We are all at choice every day of what we feed. It could be fear, faith, possibility. It could be despair, regret, or hopelessness. Like an ocean, we are all going to have the waves of all of it at different times. Knowing how to tend the various emotional waves that wash over us is an important tool. Part of being human is having challenges, having victories, having loss, having joy. It is not just me, all of us will experience these things. The question is, what is your desire? Have you used your imagination to grow the pictures of your desire coming into manifestation? Or settled for status quo and forgotten that imagination is waiting to come in to play?

A dear friend reminded me of Alices’ wisdom from Alice in Wonderland. “I imagine 6 impossible things before breakfast.” Bravo Alice, I’m down with that too. Sometimes imagination is a thing I neglect or forget. In these times, I think imagination is the secret sauce. To use imagination takes consciously choosing your best pictures and closing the ears and eyes to that which would try to crush possibilities that have not yet manifested into physical form.

When I look at the seedling of a tree that is the size of my thumb and I know this little seed can grow into a thousand year old wise being stretching to the sky and extending into the earth, it gives me hope. It makes me want to plant my little seeds and make sure they are seeds worth planting for future generations of all species. Not just wee little ole me. Yet, our culture doesn’t really encourage using imagination. With electronics filling the void, using the imagination takes some desire and even discipline. But most important it takes remembering we are the magical co creators of our own lives and the world around us.

I was talking with a friend today about the election. (I didn’t bring up the election, I listened.) Two people I talked with today each acknowledged a level of fear and stress that, as an empath, I could actually feel in my own chest from them. Why wouldn’t we imagine what we want as an outcome and feed that picture? Whether it is an election result, a personal relationship, a new business, getting in shape, or…you get the idea. I interrupted three separate friends from riding the election fear train in less than 24 hours. “Feed what you want to see,” I told them. Notice what thoughts and emotions you are giving attention to. Fear is like a cloud in the sky, it can pass by if we bring attention back to the breath and the present moment.

Then I had to ask myself, “Hey, SELF! Have you been doing that with your own livelihood?” SELF got very quiet, went to a corner and looked back sheepishly at me. That proved to be a conversation stopper. It’s never too late to invite the best part of that innocent and loving five year old to take the reigns and do some Kiddo-powered imagining in life. “Just my imagination….running away with me!” What if kids were in charge and their imaginations got to make the world? What if? Well, each of us has an inner kiddo. That is the part that has the super power when it comes to imagining from love and possibility.

I lighten up if I think of life like Play Doh. I can make something today, if I don’t like it I can make something else tomorrow. Imagination and Play-Doh, go hand in hand. Coming full circle, what is your desire? What if it was filled with full permission to play, like a game. Rather than how we get as adults…pressure to succeed and look good. “I’m a FAILURE if it fails.” That’s pretty popular programming in the collective consciousness, not very helpful though. Play-Doh is pretty forgiving and not too judgey. It just waits for your hands and imagination to play.

If adults had to learn to walk as adults they would still be crawling. Failure is part of doing new stuff. If you’re not failing somewhere you are likely doing the same old things over and over. I’m doing some of that ‘over and over’ stuff in my life. Growth is within the unknown realms. Look at kiddos learning to walk. They take a tumble and get back up and start trecking again. If this sounds like an imagination pep talk, you got it. Imagination and play…what a powerful combination.

With play comes permission to adjust the pictures of the imagination. First stage though is to dare to dream. What is my desire? What is your desire? What kind of world do you want to co create with others? What do you want to leave behind for those who follow you? Only tell those folks that will support your dream, who will feed your imagination. Especially early on. Dare to dream, use the imagination, and speak and listen for what is not yet visible. Find your people and your soul food. Don’t forget to play. Don’t forget to vote for the world you want to see with your imagination and make the pictures you want to see manifest for your own life.

*“Just my imagination…running away with me!”*

Bless the Mess

*I, on the other hand, have skillfully made my own mess.*

A lot of folks are facing mess around Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina and any number of places around the world from weather. I, on the other hand, have skillfully made my own mess. I am a master mess maker, much like a five year old child can be a master mess maker. Maybe it’s the inner five year old that rebels against order. Maybe feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, the adult perfectionist relies on steadfast procrastination. Maybe both.

I talked with my sister in St. Petersburg, Florida yesterday and she was surveying the mess. Downed trees, broken pool, but no flooding. She was very, very fortunate. Hurricane Milton was originally on path for a direct hit on her town. One week following Hurricane Helene which also hit close by. By grace, Milton wobbled into another direction South of Tampa/St Petersburg. Her mess is her mess, different than others. Residents in Siesta Key, Florida where the hurricane finally decided to make landfall, face more challenges. Near where my sister lives, she told me she saw furniture out on the streets, so other people are handling their mess too by taking destroyed items out for trash pick up.

We are all facing different mess. For her, cleaning the black mold out of the refrigerator was the next step in recovering calm. Her power was out two separate times, about a week each. So the fridge was calling when the storm cleared and the power reconnected. In this ‘civilized’ society, no electricity is a big ole deal. In Gaza, where human beings have not been treated like they are human, no electricity has been going on for a year. There is no refrigerator to clean in a home because the homes have been bombed. People are living in makeshift tents and schools made into shelters. We all have different mess, different challenges, different blessings at different times.

For me, I am blessing my own mess. My own home has piles of books and papers…mainly paper all over. Like my dad used to do growing up, I merely move the piles from one place to another. Today I am gathering my courage to just do it. DECLUTTER! If I had a video of myself moving piles from one room to another…say for example moving stuff off my massage table to my bedroom for a client…then moving it back to the massage room after the client so there’s less mess in my bedroom… it would make me laugh. Imagine speeding the video up and seeing migrating mess carried from place to place through out the day and the weeks, months, you get the idea. What is an alternative way of living? Hmmmm.

“Bless the Mess” is a term I first heard from a dear friend from Hollister, California. Sonne Reyna who did ceremony with me years ago and is an elder earth guardian. It takes “Fixing” out of the picture and “judging” out too. I trust Mother Earth completely. She is over 4 Billion years old and her wisdom runs deep. Humans have forgotten, not all humans, but a lot have forgotten all things come from the earth for our survival. From the wood that makes up our homes, to the water that flows from the faucet. A collective Re-membering may come from a collective Dis-Membering. Training my human eyes and mind to look from this perspective helps my body relax into the unknown and transforms fear into trust during chaotic times.

Disruption can be part of awakening. “Bless the Mess” is a prayer not only for my migrating piles of clutter, but also the heart wrenching wars unfolding now and the effects of climate change on animals and humans. I’ve found only when I am stretched way past my own capacity to do it alone, do I ask for help. That is part of remembering. We are in this together and when the old ways fall apart, we will birth new ways together.

Bless the mess is a mantra I can use when things feel overwhelming and out of control. Like maybe, just maybe it’s not up to me to control it all. What a relief that is. I have tended a Gaza grief altar for a year now. It has been heart breaking and heart opening at the same time. I update it monthly. Meaning I look at, not away from the current casualties of Israelis and Palestinians as well as what other conditions are unfolding since the last month. Collective starvation as a method of war is part of what is unfolding now. As well as 20,000 children having been orphaned and over 600,000 children having been out of school for more than a year now in Gaza. This is in addition to the remaining hostages and their families being in continuing anguish. This is part of my call right now, to be witness and to plant prayer seeds. We all need tools on how to handle and face that which is out of control whether that is prayer, music, ritual, activism or refuge in like minded communities. Or a combo pack.

…*tears are watering the seeds of peace yet to manifest.*

Every month I remove the cards from the previous month to put new cards and candles on the altar. The cards from previous months are now all over my house. The altar is a tool to honor the suffering and pray for the protection and well being of all and to keep it all in one place. But I have found part of my ‘clutter’ are the cards all over my house. It leaked out. Not only old cards with old facts on them but also research into this region, the letters from Congress people to our President asking for a cessation of weapons transfer. Also hand written notes preparing for my own letter writing and articles are sprawled in piles in different rooms. So much for putting it all in one place. I feel the grief rising in me as I write this. What was a war that displaced people in Gaza is now a war that has displaced people in Northern Israel and in Lebanon. As an American citizen in a country that has provided 68% of the weapons to Israel to use against civilians over and over, I feel compelled to speak up over and over. Now, over a million have been displaced in Lebanon too.

Yet, this mess of war is like a hurricane. It is beyond my power to stop it. Only look for ways to wake up and never give up on better parts of humanity rising from the ash. Use it as motivation to make my heart bigger. The next step is to do a burning ritual this afternoon with the ‘clutter’ I collect, the stories about people who quit their jobs in protest, the research notes, the old cards. Moving the mess about is a form of procrastination of facing it, blessing it and releasing it in a conscious step of prayer. Bless the mess is a step towards transformation, like tears are watering the seeds of peace yet to manifest ‘out there’. The peace that starts right here and now, where I am.

Letting Go

*…my mom gave me a silver chain with a walking angel on it.*

I don’t know about you, but I have definitely been learning the lesson lately that I do not have control of the big show. Like which way the wind blows, where the bombs fall, where the rainbows rise and when the sun sets. You’d think by my age, that truth would be quite clear. But with Hurricane Milton and the mass evacuation in Florida that does not include my sister in it…I’m getting yet another reminder to come back into my own lane of life…and let go.

If I did what my family wanted me to do, I doubt I would have traveled around the world alone with a backpack. So we each make our own decisions for our own reasons. When I got ready for my travel, my mom gave me a silver chain with a walking angel on it. She said she told the jeweler, “I want something really strong.” That was over 35 years ago and I’m wearing it right now. My mom gave me the walking angel necklace before I embarked on many different trips to far away countries my family knew nothing about.

That gift also instilled in me the power of intention. Even though my mom felt worry, she redirected it to this fierce spiritual protection. The intention that I am safe, the intention that I am protected and blessed during my travels. I am tearing up as I realize the deep wisdom and love my mom had in that moment and how it still ripples through me right now. While my sister has chosen to stay in an evacuation zone, I am practicing what my mom modeled. My sister is on her path, she has made her own decision for her own reasons and all there is for me to do right now is to honor and accept it. Then see her protected and safe, and call in others to do the same.

Worry is an energy to be greeted like all of our other emotions. Hi! I see you and I know you are there. I will take good care of you. Now let’s walk together to a higher vibration energy. Trust. Allowing. I feel my shoulders relaxing even as I write this. It is a practice to embrace whatever arises and then use our mindfulness to move towards what we intend. Watching the news isn’t great food for that. Because the news stations do kind of the opposite. It’s important to know what is going on but the news does focus on the worst of what is going on. I would be in a country on my trip when I was traveling and a family member would see a news story in the United States and start worrying because some crime happened somewhere that I didn’t even know about. I was perfectly safe.

Here is a nugget…see people in their power. See them in their resilience, especially when they are in difficult situations. Especially when they may not feel their own power and resilience. See it for them, until they remember. The habit this culture trains us in, is something more like fear, anxiety, pity or worry. Or trying to fix it for another person, or fix/control the other person. There are many worriers in my ancestral line. The other option is to call in compassion and flood the area with light. Hear the cries of the earth urging us to wake up. This is not a poor human being moment, this is a moment calling for our collective awakening. Easy for someone not in the middle of the eye of a hurricane to say these things, but that’s my job. My job is to remember and help others remember to shine light in areas that have suffering and to look for the wisdom. Part of the wisdom is we inter-are with the earth, our well being and the earths’ well being are one. These storms may penetrate through walls of denial and forgetfulness.

An antidote to worry, is first to name it and embrace it. If there is an action to take, take it. I did call my sis this morning and double/triple checked her choice to stay. Allowing what is to be. Because that is what is. Go to what brings freshness. Friendships on the path help celebrate the growth and beauty in life, they also help hold what is heavy and difficult. Reach out to friends; human and non human. Trees are my friends. So I go to the tree. Do you know trees have seen a lot? My favorite tree has been around the block. It’s 150 years old. There is wisdom in trees. I can find stability by being in a tree. Sending my roots deep down like the tree does. Do you know trees connect with other trees under the ground? Their roots meet and intermingle giving them more stability and communication.

This beautiful earth has been around billions of years. It has seen species come and go over and over. I trust the earth in her journey and I honor her. May I be a voice for her and also for the well being of all species. Part of that well being depends on our collective awakening. Participate in communities committed to awakening and learning ways to transform individual and collective suffering. Whether on line or in person there is so much more power for healing and transformation when gathering with others.

The art of letting go is key to having stamina and well being. Letting go that it should be different than it is, letting go someone should be different than they are, letting go I should be different than I am. Accepting the storm as it is and showing up as best we can with all of our visible and invisible helpers. Knowing storms pass.

Coming back into this present moment I smile. I am not in Florida, I am in California. Cultivating stability benefits the collective field of energy. So I choose to cultivate stability in this present moment right here where I am. I am not helpless, but if that feeling arises I can greet it like an old friend. Embrace it. Name it. Know that millions of others all over the world have experienced this feeling. Then, Redirect to the truth that radiating light is an action that has an effect. Just like coming back inside and cultivating peace has an effect. Working with wind, not to manipulate it, but to listen to her message…has an effect. We that work in the invisible realms, can trust that all started from the invisible realms before becoming visible. So remembering to trust the value of that work and letting go of attachment to the outcome of that work. Stamina comes from letting go, and energy rises from connecting with others whether in human form now, ancestors, or the earth herself. Connecting with the impermanence of life, makes this moment sweeter. May the winds blow away our forgetfulness and may those in the path of this hurricane be protected and safe. May the passage of those traveling towards safety be guided and may there be ease. May those facing loss be strengthened by love, compassion and community. So it is.

Let Love Speak

…*the child in me leads the way in speaking from love.*

I know it is not popular or common to acknowledge and honor the Israelis killed on October 7 in the brutal Hamas attacks AND also acknowledge and honor the Palestinians killed every day since October 7 in repetitive airstrikes leading to 41,000 Palestinian deaths. It is not popular to recognize occupation is actually a condition that is harming not only Palestinians, but also Israelis and Americans. Hostages are still being held in brutal conditions, they are not just the ones abducted on October 7. They are the families of those abducted who can’t go on with their lives as they still advocate day and night for the return of their loved ones. They are the American citizens who feel taken hostage by the ferocious fueling of war through non stop weapons transfers against my will. I wanted to go to a vigil tonight to grieve with others the massive toll of violence…but I did not see a vigil that included the losses from Israelis and Palestinians. The separation continues, the dueling narratives continue.

Recognizing the suffering beyond my own suffering feels like an essential quantum leap for the survival and thrival of humanity. More voices are needed to sow seeds of a new story where not just one side has the legitimate right to grieve or feel loss. Dehumanization is what leads to acts like what happened on October 7, and it is also what leads to acts like collective starvation of Palestinian children who have no place to live, have no schools and have no homes other than tents. Almost two million have been displaced from their homes just in Gaza since October 7. There have also been those forced out of homes in Northern Israel, and now over a million displaced in Lebanon. It is easy to get overwhelmed, it is easy to get demoralized, but it is the vast suffering that may actually be a collective wake up call. Just like hurricane after hurricane may just be a collective wake up call.

This is a choice moment. If you’re not that interested in the middle east or the cycle of violence spiraling to new countries don’t worry…take the game of let love speak into the more intimate relationships where there is a tendency to ‘other’ or judge. I often get guidance in my dreams and before going to see family in June, I had a dream where the child of me was singing a song. “We are holier than thou” were the words and this five year old me was singing it over and over and over and then giggling. The message? Get off the high horse before you go visit family.

Like most humans, I often think I know better than say…you. But the child of me can gently sing a little song and laugh and make it visible that maybe I don’t know better. Maybe, I”m not holier than thou. Maybe it is that actual thought that causes the separation. However, that thought is not one that is visible to most of us (even governments), unless you have a dream with a five year old serenading you.

Tonight I stayed home. I didn’t want to go to a vigil that just commemorated the lives lost in Lebanon and Palestine. I didn’t want to go to a vigil that just talked about Israeli hostages and lives lost on October 7. Those are not complete pictures. It’s just more of the same, ‘othering’ to the point of not even seeing the losses of another community. Lets start speaking love stories that include each others’ suffering. That names both, that grieves both.

There is more work to do to honor the wisdom and beauty of my five year old self. I believe whole heartedly that the child of me leads the way in speaking from love. Adult me can be pretty darned pissed off about what humanity is doing to each other and the earth. But the child of me can smile, laugh, and sing to transform things.

*Let us throw beautiful seeds out during these stressful times.*

This is a tree from my favorite hike in Big Sur. There was a time when Big Sur was on fire, and it went on and on and on. The fire made the air not breathable, the smoke was so heavy you could not see the sun some days. I had forgotten to appreciate fresh air, but the fire reminded me clean air is a gift. The fire took so many trees. But this tree, the big one made it through the fire. And the fire had her throw her seeds out, like trees do when they are under stress. Let us throw beautiful seeds out during these stressful times. I’ve watched these baby trees grow to little teenagers. The fire also made way for super bloom beauty of flowers that have never blossomed before in the 16 years I have been hiking here. My intention is to bury new seeds during these times. Plant beautiful seeds that will be ready to sprout when the conditions support it. In the mean time, keep shining light, keep speaking up and showing up and do not forget the children. The children are counting on us to wake up now. Not later, now.

Breathe Deeper Friend

Sometimes the outer world pulls us in so many different directions that the antidote to anxiety can be as simple as the next breath. Empaths… be aware that these times are important times to get back to basics. What are the basics? The breath, my dear. For those of us who feel what is happening in our own neighborhoods, but also can feel what is happening with the earth and places far away…come home. Come home to the present moment, come home to your body, come home to your breath.

I have felt my breath caught in my throat, since bombings have expanded in the middle east. I have felt pressure and pain in my heart. So there is simply to go deeper into spiritual practice. The beginning of that practice is self care. The beginning of self care is the breath. I was on the phone with a friend talking about recent actions that I have taken to stop weapons from being transferred. She reminded me to breathe. I realized I have been holding my breath and I have been up in my head. Maybe a lot of people right now have had their breath caught in their throat and have forgotten to take the breath all the way down to the lower abdomen.

During the storm, whether it is an emotional storm, an actual weather storm, or a political storm; there is to come all the way back into your body through simple belly breathing. Put the palm of your hand lightly resting on your lower abdomen and breathe all of the way down there. Feel the rise of the lower abdomen, feel the fall of the abdomen. Hear your breath coming in through your nostrils and hear it on the exhale. Soften the shoulders. Do this for a few minutes and take your concentration into the breath. Let it ride the breath down to the belly and back out through the nose. The mind wants something to track, let it track the breath. It gives it something to do.

Drink water, be sure and drink plenty of water. Lots of places are experiencing extraordinary heat. Drink water with the awareness…how lucky I am to have access to clean drinking water. There are so very many people on the planet right now that do not have that luxury. Drink water mindfully.

*give your feet the assignment to be awake to the steps* *you take*

Feel your feet. Western culture is the culture of the mind. Come back to the earth through feeling the earth when you walk. If you have the conditions for it, walk barefoot on Mother Earth. Feel the feet contacting the earth. Bring your attention all of the way down to your feet, we get caught in circular thinking or worrying about this or that. The furthest point from our head, is our feet. Beam your attention down to your feet and give your feet the assignment to be awake to the steps you take, feel the steps you are taking.

Rest in Mother Earths’ arms. That can be as simple as laying a yoga mat out on your lawn and find a sunny patch to rest. Or rest in the shade. Feel any worry, or any heavy energies fall away. Close your eyes, rest. It may be for ten minutes, it may be for five…it will shift your vibration to lay on the earth and let go.

Feed joy. Find the things that give a little light to your eyes. Make a list of the things that you never make time for because it’s not convenient or ‘important’. Include the ones that you know bring a twinkle to your eyes. Put it on your fricken calendar. At least a few of those things for a few minutes. For me, drinking in nature brings joy. It may be cooking, a kiddo, a pet, a chocolate cake, a funny movie. Everyone has their own twinkle list.

Wear a shield. I must say these are intense times energetically (particularly for empaths) so I do recommend calling in protection every morning. You can imagine it as a invisible bubble surrounding you made of white or golden light. I also include ‘may I harm none, may none harm me.’ Know when to close the doors and the windows. When the winds are blowing strong, close the doors and the windows. This includes regular media fasts for me. I do track what is happening, but I also know when to come back to myself. Part of coming back to myself is unplugging everything for a time.

Circling all of the way back to the breath. The simple belly breathing introduced here can shift your sense of well being. It’s free, it’s portable, it doesn’t require any equipment or teacher. Just you and your breath. Good luck! It’s great for being stuck in traffic!

Taking Care of Anger

“*I can speak up for the children who have no voice.*“

Anger is like fire, it can be used to cook your dinner and heat your house or it can be used to burn down the village or the forest. We are not taught in this country, the United States, how to take good care of our anger. But I have been taught to take care of my anger. It is still difficult, but I know to honor anger, to witness it and to listen deeply to my own suffering. The heavier emotions need to be tended to like a gentle mother…with kindness, curiosity and patience. Sometimes it is difficult not to act out when I am angry, but I am doing my best. I am grateful friends in Israel were not harmed today by missiles from Iran. I am saddened that so many in Lebanon were harmed by exploding pagers and this act of terrorism was not named as such. That’s the kind of selective language that narrates the stories here. I am used to it, but it still makes me angry. As does the continued use of U.S weapons to bomb Lebanon as I write this, with the threat of escalating violence region wide using U.S. weapons.

Who gets to tell the stories in the United States? Who’s narrative is guiding missiles and bombs? It is not the peace makers. The peace makers are being arrested, they are being targeted, they are being maligned, they are being expelled from universities. Even tonight I saw peace activists in Israel being manhandled by the Israeli police. The auto patterns of anger and retribution lead humans to a dark place but there are alternatives. There are people standing for humanity transcending their addiction to hate, wars and injustice. There are people who see the humanity in each other even when they are on opposite sides of a conflict.

Anger is not bad…it is a messenger. Who is my enemy really? Ignorance, hatred and greed. Ignorance probably being the biggest of all, which leads to wrong view. The stories we tell to dehumanize ‘the other’ until it is justified that of course they have to be killed. It is a uniquely human view that killing ‘the other’ will solve my problems. What I see is that killing ‘the other’ is watering the seeds of hatred into future generations. Because ‘the other’ has a kid who is witnessing the whole thing. Can I see where I start to make an ‘other’ of another? Yes, I can. Then there is to catch it and hold it gently. Yes, I’m a part of this whole ‘othering’ mess too.

I don’t have the answer. I am fresh out of magic wands, I just know to cradle my own anger tonight. Until it melts into tears. Anger is the top layer only, it is sitting on top of an ocean of grief. Grief for the folks who lost their homes in the hurricane, and grief that humans are still asleep for the most part that the earth is a living being. Grief that Gazas’ suffering remains a stain on our collective humanity, and grief that it is getting forgotten with the drumbeat of more war. It’s interesting that no one, as far as I know, was killed with the two hundred missiles fired by Iran because the United States pays for the Iron Dome missile defense system, but that more than 41,000 deaths in Gaza are acceptable. An assassination in Tehran of Ismail Haniyeh the Hamas negotiator during cease fire negotiations by remote explosive on July 31 is acceptable. The exploding pagers that were simultaneously denoted in Lebanon killing 42 people and injuring thousands of other citizens. I could go on and on and on. The closing of the one Arabic journalists office in Israel by the IDF as well as killing more journalists than any other conflict is acceptable. The 5295 new illegal Israeli housing units approved by the Israeli government in Palestinian West Bank is acceptable. 17,000 dead Palestinian children and counting is acceptable. Condemning the missile strike from Iran is not enough. All of it is a source of grief, all of it is escalating insanity. Yes, I am grieving being an American citizen whose country has provided the weaponry to make all of this possible. October 7 Israeli deaths and that some hostages remain hostage is grief too, more inhumanity. It’s not one or the other, it’s all of the violence. We must find ways to transform the sludge, but for right now it is enough to write a post, breathe deeper and acknowledge the pain in my heart. Naming things un-named in the corporate media, I smile to that pain in my heart. I remember that I can radiate light to dark places and see people in their strength and resilience. I can walk in nature and give thanks for this beautiful earth which has been around far longer than humans. I can speak up for the children who have no voice and I can pray for their protection and safety. Never give up on the better parts of humanity rising up out of the ashes, but for that our eyes and hearts must stay open.

The Bombers and The Bombed

*Fort Ord is now a protected National Park*

There will come a time when the bombers and the bombed see each other as brothers of one family. The family of humanity. Tears will glisten in their eyes and their hearts will break open with mutual forgiveness and weeping.

The addiction to numbing out and the hateful “othering” so prevalent in these times will have dissolved into a clear pool of compassionate heart wisdom. The generations that are here now will be long gone and the younger generations will have transformed seeds of enmity and ignorance into wisdom and love.

I believe in the young people. I water the seeds of goodness within them and I believe they deserve a world of harmony and love rather than hatred, greed, ignorance and violence. I hold that vision for them, and for us all right now. Those are the seeds I choose to water, those are the lives I will not forget about…our young ones yet to be born and our young ones on the planet right now.

I do not recommend self immolation as a form of protest…because there is so much a person can do with their lives over a period of many years with such a compassionate heart. I would rather teach young ones how to hold their rage, their frustration, their grief in such a way to be able to transform that suffering. Yet, I also must honor the motivation that leads to sitting in the fire as a way to wake us up. And people have sat in the fire, young people have sat in the fire. While I wrote my last post on September 11 as a way to cradle and transform my own suffering, a young man named Matt Nelson lit himself on fire across from the Israeli Embassy in Boston. He demanded a stop to the carnage in Gaza and for the U.S to stop sending more weapons and he died two days later. He used his life as a wake up call. Are we listening?

During the Vietnam war too, monks lit themselves ablaze trying to awaken the global community to their suffering and make the violence stop. A student of my Vietnamese root teacher took such an action when she was 23 years old in Vietnam. She was not a nun, she was a lay person but she chose to give her life in that dramatic way to make the suffering visible. I am so grateful that my spiritual root teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, did not chose that. Because his ripple of compassion has gone far and wide. From the ashes of war he has watered the seeds of peace in me and in so many others around the world.

The stories I tell are the seeds I sow. Can I tell stories of courage and compassion versus bigotry and nationalism? If I can see the war in my own heart, can I find ways to bring peace there? A smile is an act of peace. Willingness to forgive myself and others is also an act of peace. Witnessing and naming the suffering is an act of compassion. I sit with a meditation group inside of this Zen lineage. So blessed to have a group practicing metta (sending loving kindness). People from Israel, from Canada, from Berkeley, Arizona, New York and others sit in this group of Honoring Grief, Honoring Loss. While I sat this morning with my cup of coffee and zoom meeting; I was extraordinarily aware of those not in the circle. Palestinians in Gaza are not in the circle. They have no electricity, they have no homes, they have very little food, they have no schools for their children, they have no way to escape, and they have no zoom meditation meetings. Can I hold all of that? The young American citizen Matt Nelson inspires me to hold all of that.

I choose to see the vast privilege I have of not being bombed right now. I live next to Fort Ord, it used to be where soldiers did their basic training and practice before being deployed to Vietnam. I live in an apartment that used to be housing for soldiers. Fort Ord is now a protected National Park where I can walk freely. Many times, I pick up remnant bullets. Like all other things, war is impermanent.

*I know below the anger lies an ocean of grief.*

Coming home to this present moment I allow the goodness all of the way in. May the breaking open of my heart make room for more love and compassion. When anger arises within me may I have the wisdom to name it and instead of acting out of anger may I hold my anger tenderly like a mother holds a child. I know below the anger lies an ocean of grief. If we ever fully grieved any war, perhaps another would not arise.

Let There Be Ease

Some days are for climbing mountains, other days are for sitting by the sea. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, just someone willing to listen and be. I was going to climb today but as I got closer to my hiking trail was redirected. Just go in another direction I heard, be gentle and get connected. Redirection can happen in ways that are a pain in the butt, or they can be gentle. It depends on if I’m listening. After finding out that my camera may actually be broken-broken, I decided to hang out by the sea and breathe, just the ocean and me.

Funny thing happened on the way to the sea, I met a free lance photographer working on a gig for the New York times. I told him my Cannon sob story, and he told about life as a free lancer and the Big Sur story he was working on about nature versus tourism. He was sad it wasn’t sunny. I think there is magic in any kind of weather in Big Sur. But I’m not on a photography assignment. I learned from him, he didn’t write the article…the article was already done and he is sent out to get photos to support the story. Interesting.

Back to letting there be ease. It really is a conscious choice sometimes. Especially with things that could be stressful. I have all kinds of dis-empowering stories about how hard it is to learn this camera or a lack of ability to pick up on tech stuff in general. Those stories stay well hidden until something like this comes up. Going into the camera shop, I let the guy there know I am not sure if it is broken or not. I may be broken. You know those kinds of stories. I am sure we all have at least a few of them. I had upgraded to semi professional level equipment on the photography front. But I never got fluent in the language of that camera. It sat around a bit. Until it fell off my kitchen counter. Gah!

*I think there is magic in any kind of weather in Big Sur*.

I shared my passion for the earth and animals and told this photographer it really doesn’t matter the tool…I”m open to what tools can communicate my love of the earth. He asked if I’m a birder. Then went on to tell me he was on a birding assignment where he had to rent super long and expensive lenses for that assignment. He ran into other photographers using their iphones with a scope. Hmmm. That was interesting to hear about. Professional level photos of birds from an iphone with a scope attachment. So cool. The things we don’t know, that we don’t know…until we hear them.

I ran into more photographers after hanging out by the sea, and talked with them too. They had huge lenses, heavy equipment they were carrying. We saw whale tails out there, close in. They were from Boston. When I was sitting down by the ocean by myself, I was thinking ‘I LIVE HERE.’ There have been many times where I have thought I could make part of my livelihood by sharing beauty. I can come down again and again and again and soak in the beauty of Big Sur. What a gift. Enjoy it while I am here.

I told the other hobbyists about the New York Times free lancer. One of them had been a free lancer too and they were from Boston. Today was run into photographer folk and chat day. Let it be Easy. I told these folks no one was paying for my photos yet so I can use whatever I want in my blog. Iphone is okay. They pulled out their Iphone 13 pros and told me they switch it up between the two. Learning how other people do it and sowing the seeds to do what I want which is to share my own writing and photos with ease.

I know this is a he said, she said, photo share kind of a post. But I wrote already for two hours this morning and that post all disappeared. I was redirected in a not so pleasant way this morning. SO, I’m letting this one just be easy. Sharing stories and beauty and simple insights is enough. More than enough. Still not sure if I’ll send my camera out to Cannon to get fixed. Now I just have to make up some new stories about all of this stuff…and learn how to embed video. I think in my new story, it will be easy to learn how to embed video. Because I have some awesome nature video I would like to share. Like I said to the free lancer, it’s not so much about the tools as it is about sharing the beauty and majesty of nature. However I’m guided to do that.

*it’s not so much about the tools as it is about sharing the beauty…*

From the Magic of Fog

*I wanted to name the fog and enjoy her gifts*

Sometimes I’m in a fog but don’t realize it. An emotional fog, a physical fog, a mental fog…foggy-fog. When I see I am in a fog, I think I’ve got to snap out of it. At times I know I”m in a fog but think just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking. You will rise above the fog, don’t stop. But today I knew I was in a fog and rather than want to rise above it, I wanted to name the fog and enjoy her gifts. Fog after all is how some of my dear tree friends are able to rise up to the sky. Because without rain, fog is their drinking water. Fog keeps things cool and reduces the risk of more forest fire. The magic of fog offered her gifts gently today.

The fresh smell of the earth and the trees after a gentle rain or in morning fog awakens joy. Remember me, I’m the earth…I have all kinds of different scents in different conditions. Fog makes things visible that may otherwise be invisible. The dew everywhere, creates its’ own artistic beauty.

*The magic of fog offered her gifts gently today.*

But to enjoy the magic of anything today I had to let go of the frustration that my wild life camera once again failed to work. I could have stayed lost in a self generated fog of, “did I BREAK IT?!” “What the ****, this is a new camera!” The bulky thing still hanging around my neck, I just released the questions and kept walking through the fog in Big Sur.

Don’t be stopped from enjoying the magic of what is here now. What was on my walk were all of the webs of life that are usually not dripping with water drops. I saw all of these different sized webs and thought, can I see the web I am weaving? Can we see the webs we are weaving collectively? The spider strands of our beliefs, our actions, our thoughts and even our connections with others. Our ancestors impact how we weave our web, the culture we live in impacts how we weave our web and religious or non religious upbringing.

The gifts of nature offer wisdom if I learn her language. Spider can eat its’ own web for food, and then regenerate the web later. If it hasn’t been able to catch some creature to eat in its’ web, the web is an emergency back up meal. She generates the web from her own body. She does not go to Home Depot to create a web. I have become acquainted with the skills of spider, which makes witnessing all of these webs even more beautiful. Every direction I looked there were webs. High and low, layered and parallel to each other, large and small.

*Every direction I looked there were webs.*

I may not have my wildlife camera functioning but I had my trusty Iphone. It has been dropped accidentally into streams on multiple occasions, but here I was taking phone pictures. May not go into National Geographic, but it bears witness to the magical dewy webs of life present all over the place. If I am paying attention. When I pay attention, beauty is everywhere.

*When I pay attention, beauty is everywhere.*

Whether the beauty is drops of water beading on grass, or drops of water in the opening face of a flower, or drops of water clinging to strands of a spider web…it all makes me smile. There will be more offerings from Spider, but for right now I’m writing to share the beauty and joy of fog. From my old, sturdy, droppable iphone I am able to share the beauty.

May I continue to weave my web with an awareness that I am weaving…right now…in this present spider moment.

Don’t Wait for Our ‘Leaders’…

In the dance of taking one step and then another…naming despair along the way, and coming back to light bearers who inspire me to stay awake…I came across “Summons”. Let us summon our Divine gifts in a way they are easy and joyful to give, let us summon our courage to keep showing up even when pain is difficult to witness or bear, let us summon our compassionate action to leave a trail for those who follow. This poem by Aurora Levins Morales was put to music by many, including song carrier Ahlay Blakely. We will be singing our hearts to the world in our upcoming concert, “Oh Grief, Oh Joy!” in mid october. One year after Aurora Levins was inspire by deep pain to write this beautiful poem. Please enjoy…

Summons

Last night I dreamed

ten thousand grandmothers

from the twelve hundred corners of the earth

walked out into the gap

one breath deep

between the bullet and the flesh

between the bomb and the family.

They told me we cannot wait for governments.

They said we will cup our hands around each heart.

There are no peacekeepers boarding planes.

There are no leaders who dare to say

every life is precious, so it will have to be us.

We will sing the earth’s song, the song of water,

a song so beautiful that vengeance will turn to weeping,

the mourners will embrace, and grief will replace

every impulse towards harm.

Ten thousand is not enough, they said,

so, we have sent this dream, like a flock of doves

into the sleep of the world. Wake Up. Put on your shoes.

You who are reading this, I am bringing bandages

and a bag of scented guavas from my tree. I think

I remember the tune. Meet me at the corner.

Let’s go.

Singing and reweaving will happen on the evening October 15 and 16 in Carmel Valley…join us. Thank you Aurora Levins Morales for this beautiful call to go deep into the ocean of love.