Bless the Mess

Every day I have a choice which seeds I water and which ones I don’t. My dear friend Sonne Reyna from Hollister has a saying, “Bless the mess.” Not to have my head in the sand about the crisis point my country is in right now and pretend like it’s not happening but also not to get stuck like a fly on fly paper to the news of whatever is most violent. My friend has transitioned from this world but his words live on through me. And what a good time to hear those words, bless the mess.

Multiple dimensions of reality are co-existing at the same time just like multiple story tellers are telling their stories of the same events at the same time but they are very different stories. That is life. It is just way, way more obvious now as I sit in my quiet apartment in a ‘safe neighborhood’ with my dog at my side as so many others are living in fear right now. Whether it is fear of not having enough money, fear of being bombed, fear of being deported, fear of losing your health care…fear of losing your son who got shot during a traffic stop. Yes, someone lost their son a mile from where I live after he was shot during a traffic stop. Fear and anger go together as the energy of fight or flight takes over. In the United States right now fear and anger are being manipulated consciously to pit people against each other. Coming back to a calm, serene and kind state of mind is an act of rebellion. It is taking a stand for the kind of world I choose to live in and co create.

Breathing in I acknowledge all of the different realities, different perspectives, different beliefs, of different people and breathing out I let go. It’s not mine to carry in my body. I hold onto the awareness and I let go of the fear. Dear Empaths… please let go of what is not yours to carry and bless the mess. We need you right now in your full light and power, not sucked down the hole of fear, anger and despair. So many are rising up in their power and standing for the world they want to live in…I bow to you for your courage. I am doing that too, by writing, walking, speaking with love. You cannot transform hate with hate, only love can do that.

Me thinks we all have shadow. (By that I mean anger, fear, hatred, or other dense energies). Last time I checked, I definitely have shadow states. And where ever I go, if I look for it…shadow is always with me. I am on a media fast now, but last night I was viewing the different coverage of the same event of a U.S. citizen being killed by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agents. A Fox news guest was saying that the criteria for calling up the Insurrection Act had already been met in Minneapolis. CNN news anchor, on the other hand, was challenging the head of ICE that Alex Pretti, the citizen shot, was an imminent threat to his agents. This man went so far to call ICE agents the victims in the event even though it is citizen Alex Pretti left laying on the ground shot dead multiple times. So as events and peoples’ different interpretations of these events continue to unfold…how to be peace, even when anger or rage may be present. I am finding refuge by naming the Shadow. Like me; my country has Shadow states. Shadow is on full display right now so we get to see it as a community, as a nation, as a people. And choose. Just like during the Civil Rights movement. There are many narratives to choose from and some feed separation and continued dominance through force justified by keeping us safe. It is a time to be able to see with new eyes and bless the mess, knowing this is a doorway to something else…at least it could be if we take a collective stand for a new dream.

What seeds will I water today? Kindness, compassion, inclusiveness or hatred, enmity, superiority and vengeance? Who are my mentors? Who have clear view and have been through the fires yet still remain in their heart and choose to transform the anger, fear and despair by holding it gently. Who are your mentors? Who are you mentoring from a place of love? I’m asking myself these Questions and letting them ripple out further.

When I got back from my trip to the Amazon where I sat with tribal people and listened to deep heart stories, I had the intuition to offer a fundraising workshop for Gaza. At the time mass waves of grief, resignation, anger and confusion were up in me about what was unfolding in Gaza and the West Bank. The thought of doing a fundraiser made visible my feelings of helplessness to make a difference. Israel’s government was bombing and starving civilians and blocking aid from entering at that time. My mind said, “Why do a fundraiser for a non profit if it is going to be blocked from reaching the people who need it most?” Maybe people who are out in the streets in freezing temperatures in Minnesota may be asking why should I go out if I could get shot for protesting or monitoring/filming what is unfolding? Now so many months later, Israel is again blocking aid from 37 humanitarian groups while Gaza fades from the headlines and ICE protests are rising up in the media and in the streets in U.S. cities. The same techniques and narratives that allow Israeli Defense soldiers to break into a Palestinian home at 2 am and abduct a 15 year old U.S. citizen Mohammed Ibrahim from a small West Bank town ‘for throwing stones’ are being used daily to break into homes in the United States to take Illegal Aliens, except sometimes they are legal citizens who have never committed a crime. Ibrahim was arrested at 15 and held for over nine months without being charged with a crime. “It’s to keep the people safe and have law and order.” That teenager was returned to the United States after losing much of his body weight and nearly a year of his young life because some people in the United States advocated for his release. Most Palestinians are not so lucky and could stay in jail indefinitely without being charged, including children like Ibrahim. MLK said, “Injustice anywhere threatens justice everywhere.”

So the questions comes back up, ‘Where do I choose to stand?’ Now, like when questioning myself whether to offer a fundraiser, I choose to stand in love. A love that ripples out beyond my lifetime. I come back to that Buddhist teaching not to be attached to the result but to take right action. When people are being starved, when their hospitals, schools, homes have been bombed for over two years with U.S weapons it was right action for me to follow the guidance on a fundraiser regardless of the result. Hostage families, families who lost loved ones on October 7…and the hostages themselves both living and killed…their suffering matters. It should be named as well.

“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that it is worth doing, no matter how it turns out.” Vaclav Havel

Ask not only where do you choose to stand but what am I taking a stand for? This is the mojo that can help me get up in the morning, get the small self out of the way for magic to come through in service to others. I need to keep putting that in front of my face to remember in the midst of so much noise. Then find others who resonate with that stand. If I don’t know what it is, I can’t be fed by it. But if I’m clear on what I’m taking a stand for…watch out!! Like many visionaries, I am taking a stand for something that may or may not unfold in my lifetime.

“I am a pro activist…I choose to stand for something…” is how Lyn Twist the founder of Pachamama Alliance says it. Martin Luther King said it a different way, “I have a dream….” He stood for his dream of little black boys and girls having equal treatment to whites under the law at a time when police fire hoses and attack dogs were used against peaceful protestors and that was shown on the news. Back then black people were prohibited to vote their lives were considered less than. People who watched (some in horror) had the chance to ask themselves…is this who we are? The collective Seeing of that violence at that time was a part of transforming the violence and the legal system as well. Systemic injustices, systemic violence still flourish un-named in the shadows. Now they are being brought out into the light for those willing to see.

If you are not a Native American, then you have Immigrant Ancestors. The Native Americans of this land, the land where I live and work were killed en masse so that the people here now could have a better life than they had in the countries from which they came. People back when this country was being founded came for the same reasons that people come now to this country…for a better life. This country was founded on a genocide and ‘the stories’ that enabled that genocide to occur were that ‘they are savages’ and ‘we are civilized‘ and we need to be safe from you savages.

That is the Collective Shadow that has been ignored or unspoken in media that I’ve seen. How to stand for future generations of all people, all species and Mother Earth who sustains all forms of life? Now that is a question worth asking. As I hold hands with my own Shadow; seeing the parts of myself that feel like my needs are much more important than yours, that my safety is much more important than yours, that my wealth and health are much important than yours…and that my actions are justified no matter how they look to you…that is part of bringing harmony. What would happen if as a nation people could see their own Shadow states and started there? I am a stand for Harmony between people, animals, and earth…and that future generations have a planet to love, live and thrive on. So, roll up those sleeves and pull out that compost bin. Let’s start turning the muck into roses.

Begin At Home

“*The beauty can arise from the mud, look deeply and you will find the beauty.”*

The beauty of this present moment is here now if I am here now. You are here, if I am here. When the mud of distraction is stirred up, a beautiful being can be standing right in front of me… a two legged being, a four legged being, or an eight legged being and I don’t even see them. Is the same true for you? Your son, your friend, your boss is right in front of you, can you see him/her? The gift of the present moment is here but sometimes I forget and get lost in dispersion surrounded by constant distractions. Stop thinking my dear, it is all right here. The beauty can arise from the mud, look deeply into the mud and you will find the beauty.

I live in a country where I can walk peacefully on the land, can go grocery shopping and eat whatever I want. I have a job, a home, a car and my health. I have friends on the path and loving animal companions. Begin with gratitude and deep awareness of whatever gifts are yours right now. How to hold the awareness of so much suffering and so much beauty co-existing at the same time? Gently, kindly, patiently, and humbly. When I lay in my tree, I hear there is nothing to fix. My mind has other opinions. Over time I have learned to trust the wisdom of tree more than mind. My tree, the one I climb almost daily has a tree friend now in the Amazon. I introduced them one to another. Find the wise ones in your life. Listen to them. Let yourself rest in their arms. You know who they are.

When I sat at the base of Grandmother tree I remembered to breathe deeper. She holds and supports all the other living beings with her steady tree presence. She supports all of them, without discrimination. Ceiba taught me to send my roots deep down like she does to gain more stability, peace and ease. I can still do it here and now, even though I am no longer in the Amazon jungle. You can too. You can send your roots deep into the earth.

“*Cieba taught me to send my roots deep down like she does to gain more stability, peace and ease”*

In the United States, the cultural belief your worth depends on what you do is deep. Get off your butt and do something, damn it! What have you done lately for peace, for justice, for your kid, or your job? But when I come back home to myself, I hear the message of Grandmother tree. ‘Being is medicine.’ Being stable, being loving, being kind…being wise. Being present. I don’t know her age but my guess is Grandmother tree is thousands of years old. This awareness makes me smile. As human beings, many have forgotten the ways of harmony. My tree here has told me patience is a super power. It’s a super power I am still cultivating as a human being that wants things now-now-now. I want peace, justice and all species honored and respected as sacred now-now-now!

Like millions of others worldwide who witnessed over 1200 Israelis and foreign citizens killed by horrific violence on October 7 in the year 2023, my heart broke and body froze. Flooded with memories of people I had met decades earlier on two separate Compassionate Listening delegations to Israel, the West Bank and Gaza; I had to come back and hold myself tenderly. Vivian Silver, a Canadian peace activist I met on one of those delegations was killed that day. Many innocents were killed on that day and tens of thousands have been killed in the spirit of retribution and revenge since then. Some hostages abducted that day still languish in Gaza.

Like I go to tree for refuge, I went to a Palestinian Sufi on October 8, 2023. He was a bright shining light emanating love far and wide when I met him in his home in the West Bank so many years ago. He transitioned since then but I still cried out to him, “What do I DO now?!!”

“Clean your heart of hatred,” his answer came swiftly. Now two years later, after more than 65,000 Palestinians have been killed, all of the universities in Gaza have been destroyed by U.S. bombs and countless children systematically starved and displaced…the same message came through again. “Clean your heart of hatred.” Make yourself into a light house that can shine brightly on all without exception. Clean. Clean deeply those hidden corners of prejudice, of rage, wrong perceptions. Let them melt into wisdom, compassion and Divine love that sees through different eyes. Decades ago, this same Sufi sat in my living room in Portland and shook his fist in the air, “I cannot hate anyone! I shine the love of God on all people, like the sun shines on all.” These memories are like seeds from so many great beings that I have met in this lifetime. They are buried in the garden of my heart.

Begin at home, my dear. My home is near a National Park called Fort Ord. I have collected a planter pot full of bullets which could easily have been a barrel full of bullets on my walks. Years ago people trained to kill ‘the enemy’ on Fort Ord in the midst of tree friends, the coyote and the hawk. The bullets from those days are strewn everywhere, I see them on every walk. I have made peace with the bullets on the land. They remind me that war is impermanent. Even as my country still exports more war in the form of bullets, bombs and weapons…I can walk in peace. I choose peace. The choice is mine at any moment.

“*Don’t wait until there’s peace out there to have joy in here….*“

Today, October 8, 2025 it is enough to clean my home and to clean my heart. To clean the windows through which I see the world. The best way to honor those people who have been standing for peace and being peace in the darkest places lifetime after life time is to kiss the earth with my feet as I too walk in peace. To clean the corners of my heart with kindness and patience, to clean the corners of my home. As I walk and clean and breathe deeper today why not invite in joy. Don’t wait until there’s peace out there to have joy in here…it’s now or never.

Start Here…

When I get a wee bit overwhelmed with the outer world, I can always come home to Shadow. There she is, right in front of me. Sometimes she’s off to my side. Sometimes she hangs out behind me. Sometimes I forget she is even there. When I do see her, it makes for fun photography. The rocks bathed in Shadow, the blessing stick points out above her head due south, she invites me to recognize her presence. When the world is upside down, inside out and feeling a tad bleak ‘out there’ I come home to her. I meet her where she is now.

What is in my heart is in the world and what is in the world, is in my heart. Start here, my dear. Find courage to do that Shadow dance of awakening. First call back the heart parts, those pieces that have flown off either in tantrums of anger or dispersion from the never ending S.O.S coming from children in Gaza. You know the ones, buried beneath the rubble that no one wants to actually see or talk about. My getting buried there with them, will not help them. Breathe those pieces back home through the crown of my head into the trunk of my abdomen then down through my feet into this beautiful Mother Earth. Call all your pieces back from those heart breaks of your life. Everyone has their own unique heartbreak right now. Empaths beware, scattering your sensitive selves all over the planet may deplete your energy and focus.

There comes a time when it is impossible to ignore Shadow. Turning left, turning right, I can see her in her full might. “People Suck!” she declares. “They lie, they cheat, they bomb, they beat…over and over and over again!” “What are you going to do about it?!!” she demands, stomping her foot. Well, I have written all the people ‘out there.’ Many, many, times. You know the ones, the ones who are ‘the other.’ The ones who choose war as a path to peace.

It is easy not to see, just like Shadow sometimes trails behind, that this war is also inside of me. In this very moment, I am not being bombed or starved. My house still stands. My food is in the refrigerator. But I’ve starved my love of humanity and bombed others with opinions of how they and I ‘should be.’ So when I find myself really at a loss of what to do, I embrace Shadow and begin anew. Starting over with my Self, starting over with the two legged species. Calming that little child who has been running wild with pain inside. I hold her gently and draw her in. “I know your rage comes from love, together let us find a way back to that safe place within.”

*“They lie, they cheat, they bomb, they beat…”*

Preventing people entry with a Muslim ban, pushing people out with Immigrants are dangerous jam…is not different than preventing people entry to my own heart with No People Allowed here; my heart’s door slammed shut. Got racism? I got something Biggerly at times, all two legged style discrimination. Can I smile to that part of me and say, ‘Yes, I see you once again dear. Come close and I will take good care of you. I will not banish you or ignore you or punish you; I will tenderly transform you into a voice and heart of love.’ I know it starts here.

Calling all Hearts

*“I find my heart in the arms of a tree.”*

The rest of whatever time I have left on this ball of mud and beauty will be spent cultivating my heart vision and sowing seeds from there. Into Me See deeply (intimacy) comes from heart, not intellect. So, I go to tree. There are trees twice as old as me. There are trees twenty times as old as me. They are such generous beings. Never asking me what I can do for them. They just sway in the wind this way and that, laugh through their leaves and wink at me. I have my very own tree I have been climbing for many, many years. She is my friend, confidant, advisor and healer. I find my heart in the arms of a tree.

Being of the Western culture, the collective trance of the North…I have the same invisible programming as everyone around me…you have to achieve, accomplish, earn, accumulate to have a life that shines. But in the arms of my tree, I can remember humility. I can reconnect with the invisible strands that brought this land into being. All is invisible before becoming manifest. Taking a rest and letting that cultural set of beliefs fall away with ease while the wind blows through me and my tree.

If your heart is like mine, it may feel like it’s being ripped apart by the mirror reflecting back a forgetting of what is sacred…like children. Children are sacred. Children of all species the tree reminds me every time I want to stop at Human Children are Sacred. The earth, the earth is also sacred. We will continue to be reminded. I have been told there will be those who will lose everything that they now take for granted. Many millions if not billions have forgotten the earth and also have not seen her as a living being with her own volition. But many are awakening. Tree told me I also have forgotten from time to time that all comes from her, all comes from mother earth. After forgetting, there is a remembering but before that remembering perhaps there is a dismembering, pieces of ourselves flying this way and that. “Do you remember me? I am part of you…”

As I lay in the arms of a tree sometimes an ant will come bite me. Then I real eyes, I am not the only being here, maybe not even the most important one of all. The ant gives its’ life to help me wake up. “Hey- you are laying on us, you fat ass!” Oh dang! Let me move over; my revelry disrupted by realization. Do you have any idea how many beings live in a tree? Well, it certainly isn’t just me, and it isn’t even just the beings that I can see. Yesterday, lizard scampered across my chest, feeling my heart was a safe haven for us both.

How to make heart a safe haven…bring your attention and presence into heart. No, I’m not just talking MY heart, although that’s where I start. I can get caught in mind so much of the time, dread…despair…indignation…grief…then relief as I bring my eyes down into my heart. Removing them from headlines or what’s out there; I come back to what’s in here. There can be pain in here, a throb…an ache. Tears are the drops of compassion that can make fresh the dried and cracked places. Places I may have forgotten or neglected. From teardrops of compassion new seeds are watered. How to stay in a heart space? Be in nature and remember this earth is billions of years old. She is holding so many species of plant, animal and human form. Not charging rent, not shaming me for ingratitude. Some grace there. Gratitude is a blessing for us both, but sometimes I forget.

*“But the dissolution is making room for a new song.”*

Heart Vision is a felt space, not a thinking place. Coming out of the thinking place is the only way to enter the ocean of knowing. Taking the little child of me by the hand when she screams, “We Must Fix IT!!!” I hold her gently in my arms. Just like tree holds me. ‘Can we see through the eyes of more than one being?‘ To the caterpillar that can no longer walk, everything is wrong. But this dissolution is making room for a new song.

I remind her gently to rest in tree from who I have heard, the child’s heart is what will save humanity. A child’s heart is my best part. The one who cares, loves, and sees. But now come home my dear, after flying everywhere to nurse the wounds of the world…come home. Enjoy this lizard who loves your song, enjoy the leaves glistening in light, turning this way and that. The world will keep turning as she has for billions of years. My friend the lizard has been around millions of years. Dragon fly whispered to me one day she used to be as big as me, on an earth that existed before humans.

*“Dragon fly whispered to me one day, she used to be as big as I am…”*

After my mother ‘died’ she left me a sign. It was the corpse of a dragon fly laid meticulously on a small wisdom card showing hands emanating light. When I see a dragon fly, I know my mom is by my side. My mother also loved butterflies, right after she died I needed butterflies. Death is a game of hide and seek…butterfly invites me to take a peak at what could lie on the other side of death, destruction and war. The paradigm of a species that has lost it’s way in the fabric of all life. Don’t forget to rise higher my dear and be one who can imagine what is currently not yet seen on the outside. Butterfly reminds me to be an imaginal cell. “Gather yourselves,” she murmurs. Don’t bother condemning that soupy mess outside. There’s work to be done. Yes, there is and what better place to do heart work such as this than in the arms of a tree?

I’ll Meet You in the Field

I am reminded by my Deer friend, to meet myself and others out in the field. The field beyond thoughts of right and wrong, thoughts of how it should be, beyond my mind. The mystery waits patiently there. In the field of infinite possibilities that are far from the rutted grooves of old habits and expectations. There was a time when a good number of humans thought the earth was flat. This belief obviously limited any desire to travel far and wide. No one wanted to fall off the edge of the earth. It could seem ridiculous to present day humans to hear that limiting belief but what are the limiting beliefs of the day that are invisible to me now?

Deer friend was being his beautiful self, feeding in the field when we surprised each other on my walk. He wasn’t looking at his Deer watch tapping his Deer hoof wondering when the world would be less of a mess. Wondering when humanoids would become enlightened en mass. No, Deer friend was being his beautiful self. Furry little antlers and all. And in the field we met, a connection of grace and ease for a few moments in time. Enough for a down load.

The field of possibilities are not on CNN. They are not even in my day planner. Where then? Me thinks you need to look for yourself with that question in heart. As I look for myself, as well. Nature is my most potent medicine. So I rely on Mother Earth to guide me in so many ways. Including teaching me about death of one form being a transition into another form. When I get caught in just seeing from separation, I suffer more. Even to remember that the earth is billions of years old and that she has held so many different civilizations over time, makes me smile. Makes me breathe a little deeper. Makes my steps a little lighter. We are just one box car in the train of humanity here for a nano second.

To envision new possibilities means taking my eyes off of the collective trance field. I have to challenge my hard wired belief that if I don’t know ‘what is going on’; I am not being a responsible citizen. Can I ask you to lift up the hood and look at your own hard wired beliefs? Which ones are serving you and which ones need to be rewired?

Right now I am getting ready to travel to Ecuador to sit with a tribe that has not forgotten that our own destinies are intertwined not only with each other, but every species is intertwined with the well being of the earth or Pachamama. The heart beat of the earth, is my heart beat. The waters of the earth, keep me and every other living thing alive. There has been some collective amnesia in Western culture about all that. But where I am going for a while, there is no amnesia and no internet.

Back to Deer friend who helped me know, I find the field of possibilities in the present moment. No other moment would I have met Deer friend. Many would have walked right by him or scared him off. If I was lost in thought, I would not have seen him hidden in that tall grass. He saw me see him and that is where the magic happens. How many billions of species other than humans exist? How many invisible beings, guides, guardians and teachers who have transformed into a cloud are cheering us on? I am never alone, neither are you.

When I was a little kiddo, I was an empath. But I didn’t know that. I know I’m an empath now. I have awareness to be able to discern what is mine and what is not mine energetically. Now, I have tools to compost collective and individual dense energies. When I was a little kiddo, I did what all humans do. I made up stories in my head. You know that ever present narrator that lives in your head interpreting every little and big thing that happens to you and around you? On one particular family vacation on a cruise ship (would never do that as the big girl whose in charge now) I saw a little boy wearing what looked like girls shoes to me. In my head, I immediately made up that he was sad that his parents had made him wear girls shoes and ‘Voila!’ that story became ‘the truth.’ Then, I did what some empaths do instantaneously and unconsciously, I picked up his sadness and wore it like it was mine. Or maybe it was reverse, I picked up the sadness then made the story.

Either way, as adult me looking back on that little girl with the eyes of compassion, first I would gently challenge that story. Maybe…just maybe this little boy is from a different culture and the style of shoes they wear in that different country are different. Maybe his parents didn’t make him wear those. Maybe his shoes have nothing to do with him being sad. Here’s a big one, maybe he’s not sad. Our projections go out so fast we are not even aware of them. I was sad on that trip, I was often puking (seasick) and miserable. Maybe the boy was sad, maybe not…who knows? Only Goddess knows. The point is to pay attention to the stories I make up in my head and then label as ‘the truth.’ That little girl thinking other people are suffering so she should carry their suffering needs to be grown up with gentle loving kindness. That is automatic programming that is false based on a false belief. How many different stories can we make up about the same experience?

Suffering can be compounded by a story. Suffering can be transformed by a story. Freedom can be unleashed by a story. Choose. I am writing the story. We are writing the story together. Is it possible that Israelis and Palestinians can live in a just peace? If you go to the past, the answer would be no. If you go to the field of possibilities, all things are possible. Is it possible I thrive while writing at home, walking in nature and playing with groups of people to help us all wake up? If I look to my personal past I could say no, if I go to the field of possibilities…Hell Yeah! Is it possible that the earth is round? Uhmm, get my point?

Coming back to my breath, coming back to this step, I also come back to the present moment. The field of possibility is in the here and now. I am too.

Epic Earth

*“Why not come back home to Mother Earth?”*

Usually a visit to see dad gets meticulously scheduled. Including running in between flights at the Phoenix airport so I am not sitting around wasting time on a layover. This time, I sat around a TON. This time I drove. Why not be in nature and see parts of the earth that I have never seen? Why not take my time? Let go of the structures like my daily routine, news, and watching the dismantling of a country I knew once upon a time. Why not come back home to Mother Earth on my way to see my quite old dad and not quite as old bro?

Epic beauty is a way out of the muck of the mind. Not just my mind, although my mind can get mucky, but the collective mind. Disconnect from news, take a walk on the wild side and see how incredibly small I am. I do mean incredibly small. Like an ant. How many gazillions of years have these mammoth rock beings been here? What have they seen? Who else has trod through the canyons I’m walking in now? How many more to come?

*“How many gazillions of years have these mammoth rock beings been here?”*!

When I’m with the kind of rugged, gigantic swaths of rock that I discovered on this trip, I can’t help but see Earth Time, as opposed to Human time. In human time 95 years is a very long life. In Earth time 95 years is the blink of an eye. The length of time the United States of America has existed as the U.S. may be less than four blinks. It’s a different perspective.

When I hold both at the same time I can relax into the knowing that the show goes on. Like my dad says, “Things have a way of working out.” The other half that he doesn’t say all of the time, but includes frequently is…”They may not work out how we’d like or want them to, but they do have a way of working out.” Sage wisdom from approaching 100 years on earth. Ninety six on June 25. His other favorite motto is, “Lucky me,” when talking about his life.

Like any step into the unknown, there was a little stress getting ready for this roadtrip. It vanished as I saw how vast my country is with stretches where I drove for hours while seeing no other car on the road. I realized I could drive 80 legally in Utah….Huzzah! And I began to see how epic and diverse the beauty of Mother Earth is in places previously unknown. That just made me smile huge on most of the drive. How generous the earth is, how beautiful and how vast. When I was driving out of California it was vibrant green, when coming through the other states like Utah and Colorado there was rugged rocky beauty. Just like the folks in this country are different in many ways and the same in others…the beauty of the earth is very different in some ways and the same in others. Like with people, if you look for beauty surrounding you, you will find it in any season.

In these times of international chaos and tumult…find your medicine. For me medicine is finding the ebb and flow of the natural world versus the artificial world that has lost itself in separation. How many bird songs do you know? How many times do you look down at your feet and wonder who lives below the surface of the earth where men and women walk? Can you see the budding mushrooms waving hello to you as you walk to your car?

I had a safe journey out and back. But it just made me want to go again, and again. How much beauty can I take in during one nanno second lifetime? Not sure, but I’m going to do my best to be awake for all of it. Whether on a road trip, running to work, or hanging in the livingroom with co pilot…be there for all of it. Let in every tidbit of goodness into your life. We don’t know how long it will last, so enjoy the ride.

*“Let in every tidbit of goodness into your life.”*

Creating or Consuming

*“We need our poets, our song carriers, our artists and our bloggers to birth a new dream.”*

In any kind of weather I see the plant people are just like me…they adjust. In California, there are orange poppy flowers all over the hillside right now. In cold weather they keep themselves tightly wrapped up, in warm weather they unfold beautifully. Sometimes there will be two blossoms expressing differently in the same moment…one tightly wrapped up and one open and basking. The Sun is so wonderful, so old, so generous. He does not say…these are Republicans, I will not shine on those people. Or these are immigrants, I will not radiate love and light on those people. Nope, the Sun has evolved way, way past the discriminative mind. The Sun emanates love and light to all on earth. Every species in every region, whether the Sun is hiding behind the clouds or it is hanging high in open skies; it Shines on all.

It is easy to get caught in electronic consumption whether the Netflix binge I did a few nights ago TO DISTRACT MYSELF or reading the news headlines to brace myself. Whether the news is about withholding federal money from Stanford University who is not in Lock Step with the administration, or the latest mass shooting at Florida State University…news these days is alarming. The stories are about real effects unfolding, I know that. On my hike this week I ran into a friend whose wife is a fire fighter for 24 years. He said she is waiting to see if she will be laid off. She is supposed to find out today. “The stress level is off the charts. If she gets laid off, we have to move,” he lamented. A lot of us may be tightly wrapped up in fear or uncertainty of what is going to happen next…whether with jobs, the suppression of free speech or the economy.

*“…the shadow parts are coming into plain view and it is impossible not to notice them.”*

But those stories are not the whole story. We are in a collective initiation where the shadow parts are coming into plain view and it is impossible not to notice them. The shadow parts are greed, fear, corruption, and ignorance to name a few. It’s not personal, it’s not in just one person. It is all of us that have the seeds of fear, greed, and ignorance. Just like all of us have the seeds of compassion, kindness, generosity and love. We need our poets, our song carriers, our artists and our bloggers to birth a new dream. A big-ass compost bin would be handy too, to mulch the heavier energies into lighter energies.

Just remember the Sun does not get caught in judgments and fear. It shines light. And we can be like the Sun, we can shine our inner light. Listen to the story tellers creating inspiration. Listen to the songs that make you want to boogie. Breathe into the belly and anchor energy into that belly. The birds are still singing. The Sun is still rising. Humans are one species of countless species. Our species can transform, but for that we need new stories. New stories that come from nature, ancient wisdom, truth carriers and most of all…love. I INVITE YOU TO BE AN IMAGINAL CELL WITH ME. It’s not personal, it’s magical.

Re Membering Inter-Dependence

*“We are dependent on each other to awaken…”*

There’s a few things I’d like to re-weave if I may be so bold. One is the romanticizing of war into the awareness that our future depends on finding ways beyond war where we can honor and celebrate each other. The other is the belief that we are independent melting into the deeper truth that we are in this together. What conditions led to a nationalistic President being elected in the United States? Disillusionment may have been part of it but me thinks this current president is doing a better job than I could with this humble blog at re-wiring our awareness quickly. People pay attention to what they pay for groceries and gas. If I look deeply I find human beings behind the unlimited products I enjoy…or have enjoyed as an American. There are human beings from other lands in every part of every day life woven into United States. WE are dependent on them. Just like we are dependent on the earth. But sometimes we forget. People are out in the streets all over the world and all over this country who have not forgotten. Millions of others are also remembering our Inter-Dependence

I sip a cup of coffee this morning that does not come from Texas or Alabama. Even though I drink Seattles Best, it also didn’t come from Seattle. Like so many other things I consume, I am benefiting from the labor of human beings in Costa Rica planting, growing and harvesting coffee beans that make my cup of coffee in the United States possible. Just like human beings in factories in China made the computer I am writing on right now. Clothing…how much of my wardrobe was assembled by human beings in Southeast Asia? Thank you for making it obvious that we are not independent through the threat of tariffs. We are deeply dependent on each other to thrive. We are dependent on each other to awaken and that is happening right now in so many ways seen and unseen.

*“She taught young people and old alike from all over the world English.”*

The coffee I sip is in a cup that came from my mother. I drink from her gifts. She was an artist and a writer. For paid livelihood she was an English as a Second Language teacher rolling around the freeways of Los Angeles between three part time college jobs without benefits. She taught English to young and old people alike from all over the world. Her students loved her and she loved them. She had the whole world in her classroom and the thread they all had in common was learning English so they could better their new lives.

The land where I live was Indigenous land. The land of the Esselen and Costanoan/Rumsen tribes who existed before I existed. These tribes are the land ancestors in the area I live. The lands that had a mostly unspoken genocide occur before the United States became ‘the land of the free’. The “Othering” and arrogance that made that genocide possible before I was born is alive right now in my country. The “Othering” that thrives on fear, domination, and silence is rippling out now. But awakening is rising as well. Growing stronger every day.

Naming fear takes some of it’s power away. Bringing shadow into light is easier when it becomes impossible to keep ignoring. In that sense, having the President we now have in the United States is yet another wake up call. Not the first wake up call, but a more visible one. Because people who have spoken up are disappearing into detention centers and are being labeled a threat to national security. They are being abducted from their communities by plain clothes ICE agents and shipped far from their loved ones. You might ask…who is next? If targeting professors and immigrants now, who is next? Oh, the press. The press is part of what is also deemed a threat to national security. Then who?

People in Gaza are still depending on people in the United States to have the courage to speak up. Thousands of Israelis are out in the streets and have been for over a year trying to bring hostages home and also end a war. You can’t really think Americans are like this and Israelis are like that and Palestinians are terrorists. I mean you can think that…but it’s ignorance. Every human is unique no matter what nationality and to assume everyone from one country is the same…it’s like deporting a person for having a tattoo because you assumed that means they are a gang member. Which has happened here.

It can all be a bit overwhelming. Swimming against the current of the culture in which you live can be challenging. But then it’s time to take a walk. Remember to breathe into the lower abdomen and feel my feet connect with the earth helps me to awaken to the here and now. The balance to outer awareness is inner awareness. The way out, is in. The mirror is a mirror. The question is, can I clean the mirror?

I am never powerless. It just takes the courage to come home to my own heart and start there. Breaking through denial is painful. There is a reason for the denial. It is to push away pain. The denial of the holocaust was to not let in that immense human on human atrocity that had gone ignored. The denial of the genocide of the Indigenous people of the land I am living on…is to push away the pain and the shame of the roots of this nation. Melting the walls of denial is painful but in so doing we can begin to dream a new dream rather than keep looping.

*“The bullets are still there, the trees are there too.”*

The land I walk used to be a military training ground to prepare soldiers to go to Vietnam. Now it is a National Park. Impermanence makes me smile. It gives me hope. The bullets are still there, the trees are there too. As my root teacher once said, “I wouldn’t want to live in a place where there is no suffering…without suffering you cannot grow your compassion.” May we find ways every day to grow our courage, our wisdom and our compassion.

Dive Into Upgrading Old B.S.

So it may be a bit of an understatement to say I’m not an early adapter. It’s amazing I”m walking upright on two legs having made the leap (without technology I might add) from all fours to a fully upright walking humanoid. Bravo! When it comes to technology however, the pattern of regressing back into diapers can happen. I just want to throw my head back in full tantrum mode yelling, “I don wanna!” That has been part of my machinery, part of my B.S. That is up until now, because now I am diving into upgrading old B.S.

Some may assume I mean bullsh*t when I say “B.S” I leave it to you to decide if that fits. I am actually referring to Belief Systems. Somewhere along the line it got hard wired into me that learning new tech stuff is an unwanted pain in my butt. But if you look under that belief there is the lil kid of me with knees knocking together saying more…”I can’t. I don’t know how. I’m stupid. It’s hard.” And on and on. We usually just see the top layer of the belief and rarely go a few layers down. Like a Belief layer cake they are all piled one on top of the other covered by the frosting called ‘resistance.’

So I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but technology has it’s little hands in everything. Often times making things possible that were never possible before…like zoom meetings with people coming into the same space from all over the world. Or the fantastic cameras on cellphones these days. Or, well I”m sure there’s other stuff too.

Back to my own belief and how it has held me back. I LOVE nature. Love sharing nature, love writing, love sharing transformation. So out of my love and passion for those things, I committed to some upgrades in technology. Like a new printer (not new any more), a new imac (sort of new) and a new wild life camera. All a part of the master plan of launching into livelihood I love.

Do you ever notice you put things off that you don’t feel skilled at? Is that just me, or is that a we thing? Like if I put it off long enough, I’ll get confident and skilled and want to use the thousand dollar camera I bought!

Bringing old B.S. out of the shadows and into the light takes a gentle touch and compassion. It usually is just a little kid’s story anyways. We don’t want to hit our little kid upside the head. It’s more like acknowledging that maybe what the little kid has made up isn’t actually true. Like maybe the boogie man doesn’t live under the bed. And maybe I don’t need to be a rocket scientist to set up an imac or my wildlife camera. It doesn’t have to be true to be a road block. That is why occasional upgrades are so important!

So going all in on a belief upgrade would be to say, “this could actually be fun!” These beliefs aren’t only around technology. If you look in your own closet you might see some beliefs that have been hanging out for a long time taking up space but not really benefiting you.

One of my ancestral belief patterns is “I don’t need your help.” Even if a little bit of help would be just lovely. The automatic thought, the automatic words are ‘I got this.’ I remember walking with my dad in ski boots looking for his car at altitude when he forgot where he parked. We are walking, no idea at all where we are going, half frozen. A kind soul stopped and rolled down the window, “Need a lift?” “Nope, no thanks!” I could have socked him one. (Not really my hands were frozen.)

Fast forward a million years and I’m in my apartment trying to lug a queen sized mattress by myself to the garage. You ever have those moments when there is an out of body witness watching you do what you are doing and they are shaking their head at you? I know my neighbors on both sides and have good relations. It’s amazing I could get this huge thing into the garage on my own. I could have asked for help but the machinery from old B.S. just did not permit that grace. So where do you have some old machinery running?

“*It’s amazing I could get this huge thing into the garage on my own.*“

By the way this is not just an individual thing. It’s transmitted in families and by culture. Yet it is invisible and unacknowledged by most. There is such power in being able to look at the wiring of beliefs that are running my life. Because then I can entice new beliefs into the game. Back to the camera. It took time, but eventually I did decide to shift my attitude and found such ease in setting up wildlife settings with the free help of an online offering by a very young and passionate wildlife photographer. In the time it’s taken me to get it set up, he’d grown into a young man that has made a wildlife documentary. Resistance from old stories causes delay. Sometimes forever, sometimes a week, sometimes years. Sniff out those old stories that feed beliefs that are full of b.s.

Our culture is an instant gratification fest. So learning a new skill that takes more than two seconds…have to think about that. And I am thinking about the fact I’ve never cropped a photo and never edited a photo. So new skills are awaiting. What if that was a good thing?

Here’s another thing I noticed in my belief system. I expect things to last forever. Like I will use something until it is totally warn out. I drove my last car over 240,000 miles. But that is just one option. You can sell stuff! You can sell camera equipment! It’s not a marriage. So that was another belief. That there is just the one way. Use it forever. Rather than, if this is not fun I can sell my lenses. To be open to see it unfold is something that takes the pressure off. That transfers to any area of life.

Our beliefs shape how and what we see. I was lugging this huge wildlife lens around on my walk today and I witnessed the thought, ‘bird photography is hard with this…” As I witnessed the thought, I replaced it with it could be easy. I found a bird that just wanted to give me a million chances to photograph him. I took so many pictures, playing with the different buttons in between. So what drew me into this in the first place is love of land, love of animals and wanting to honor nature and share her beauty. The rest is just minutia. But sometimes I forget that. The hawks also gave me a million opportunities today to photograph them. More on that later. I laid on my back and found I was much less shaky holding that huge thing to take the photos. It’s all an experiment. Like the rest of life. Might as well have some fun with it.

*I found a bird that just wanted to give me a million chances…*

Look for the Beauty

*…I realize I actually have no idea how many beings are living in this one tree being.*

In the United States, as we rise to a new reality of different leadership in government, ashes in Los Angeles and every kind of uncertainty on the horizon; I remind myself to look for the beauty. That’s not to say ignore everything else, but there is something beautiful if we are willing to see it on any day. I also remind myself not to get too sucked into the vortex of duality. Smile to all of it, breathe while you smile. It doesn’t even have to be a happy smile (though it could be!). Just a smile to help the face relax a bit, just a breath to remember to breathe is to be alive. When I look up into a tree, I realize I actually have no idea how many living beings are living in this one tree being. That alone makes me smile. Life is so much bigger, more vast and generous than one particular species in one particular time period.

Sometimes I think we, as humans, forget we are not the only show at the movie theater. But the times we are now in can provide rather abrupt awakenings. Bringing it back down to the wanderings through every day life; when I notice the beauty peaking out at me in ordinary moments unexpected joy arises. “Hi, I see you down there little mushrooms. And I”m happy you are there.” It takes being present to see anything outside our monotonous mental machinery. What a relief it is when presence pulls back the curtains to beauty.

“*Hi, I see you down there little mushrooms.*“

Maybe the term ‘look for’ doesn’t quite fit. Maybe it is more like be present and awake. The programming of western culture is to look for pretty much everything outside ourselves and outside the present moment. Like someone else is wiser, someone else knows the way, and later on when I’m more evolved…maybe I”ll get there too. But not now, I need to do some calisthenics, eat carrots and you get the idea…then ‘I’ll get there too.’ Or I could just notice the beautiful mushroom at my feet and the green grass encircling my toes and smile.

Letting in beauty and smiling are like nacho chips and cheese, they go together. Just like stress thoughts and shallow breath go together like ice cream and fudge. Kay, food is just one analogy. I am not a tech guru. That may be an understatement. I held onto my flip phone many years past when most people were on their smart phone.

My first “Selfie” was such a rude awakening. It was on accident and it was also an ah-hah moment. I was taking a nature walk and fiddling with my ‘new’ smarter than me phone and accidentally snapped the selfie. It showed a woman with pursed and frowning lips, a wrinkly furrowed brow and a face that just yelled…”I’m stressed!” It actually scared me to see it. Yikes, this could be what my co-workers see. To be fair, I was trying to ‘figure something out.’ But how often when we are out in beauty are we physically there but mentally trying to figure something out? Thinking is not a great gateway to present moment beauty.

So the “Selfie Moment” is one of those life long lessons. Here is your face on the smartphone trying to figure stuff out and here is your face on the earth basking in beauty and actually being in awe and inspiration….choose. When I forget, I get to choose again. Isn’t that an awesome gift? To be able to make a new choice at any moment?

*I saw Turkey Vulture washing his face on a log…*

A deep dive into death, can help wake us up. Turkey Vulture takes a deep dive into death to feed itself. Rather than killing an animal to feed itself, it feeds on those whom are already dead. I saw Turkey Vulture washing his face on a log after diving into death. This was on one of my last walks with my dog. Even that, was a moment of beauty and awe to me.

When I couldn’t breathe through my nose and wads of tissue were strewn all over the house and I just wanted to rest, it didn’t feel like beauty. Those times, make me appreciate the return to good health. Those times also led me to lay on the land, allowing Earth energy to sink into me. So who Nose what will create the conditions for our awareness of beauty to arise? Beauty can be rest. It can be solitude. It can be a conversation with a friend. It can be illness, which allows coming home for a while to self care. It can be the loss of a loved one. Yes, even grief and loss can have beauty. So like the Turkey Vulture, taking a deep dive into death can feed me too. It can feed my awareness to cherish life. It can remind me to smile gently to both life and death and all of the wonders within every day. Don’t forget to look down at your feet and up at the sky, and everywhere in between says Mother Earth. When I smile it is a thank you note for her. I see your beauty and I say thank you.